Left, Right or Straight Ahead

The summer after my freshmen year of college, I sat in the front passenger seat of our family's 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee while my brother drove home from Daytona Beach where he was attending college. Earlier that summer, my brother had gotten in a car accident (don't worry, no one was hurt) which left his Ford Ranger totaled. His consolation, our family Jeep, which I had named Buster when he was under my care the year prior.

At the time, Buster's AC wasn't functioning, and anyone who lives in Florida or visited Florida during the summer can tell you, a road trip of any length, in a car without proper functioning AC is no way to travel. My brother and I traveled anyways.

We were about an hour into the four hour drive drive, with the windows down allowing anything resembling cool air into the car, when we came to the subject of my future spouse. Perhaps it was being engulfed in the heat coupled with the blur of the passing tress, but it was while we were talking about my future Mr. Right that my brother said something that has stuck with me for the last four and a half years.

It was during that hot summer day when my brother told me, "Cybill, you need to marry a guy who has a plan. He needs to have a solid plan in life and a stable job, because you have no idea where you're going or what you're doing."

With the windows rolled down and I-95 or Florida's Turnpike before us, I think I just laughed, finding humor and a compliment in his statement. Four and a half years later, all I can do is gawk at the amount of truth those words held and still do to this day.

A couple of days ago I was researching the Pacific Crest Trail with plans of one day hiking a section of it. Last year I was researching possible trips to Peru in hopes of one day hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. And a couple of minutes ago, I was discussing plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with my friend and college roommate, Kallie. (Do you notice a trend here?)

I don't know when I'll be able to accomplish any of this, but I know I want to accomplish all of it, and with these plans secured on my bucket list, the things I need to do (i.e., get a job with a steady income) just get pushed lower and lower on the list of things I want to do. Now I find myself standing at the intersection of, I Don't Know What to Do.

Recently, my current predicament has me debating the possibility of becoming a waitress opposed to landing an entry-level job in the PR industry. Waitressing would allow me to one day quit the job without the threat of "throwing away my career." (Is there such a thing as a career in waitressing? I apologize if there is.) But with these thoughts, I find myself having to answer to the part of me that wants to have a successful career (an actual career), a 401K (whatever that is), a mortgage (really, I'd simply like to own a house) and the knowledge that I am a functioning adult who positively contributes to society (and pays their taxes; something about taxes seems so adult to me).

How do I do this? How can I mix this sense of stability with my need for adventure? How do people make their passion their career? Which way to should I turn? These are the things I need to know. These are the questions I need answered. This is what they don't teach you in school.

In the time that it's taken me to type up this blog post, save it as a draft and come back to edit it, I've researched volunteer opportunities abroad (volunteering in an orphanage in Nepal sounds like fun, seriously). In the time since my brother and I drove down from Daytona Beach in an airless Buster, I've come to terms with my wanderlust, but I have yet to come to a conclusion of which way to turn...left, right or continue straight ahead. Perhaps it'll take another four and a half years to figure this out. Perhaps it'll take a guy, my Mr. Right, who has a solid plan and a stable career, or maybe, it'll just take me, day-by-day, taking one step after another, turning left or right, but turning whichever way I choose...

Sincerely,

Cybill

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