Being Present

The irony that this blog post is titled "Being Present" yet my last post was dated January is not lost on me. I haven't been present. Not on this blog, that's for certain. But I've been present in life. I've been enjoying myself and all of life's spenders. I've cried — oh yes, I have cried. I've smiled. So much so that my cheeks hurt. I've felt alive and I've felt alone. And I wouldn't trade it in for the world. 

If I look back years from now and remember that my reason for not blogging is because I've been doing things to blog about, then I'll be happy. I'll have laugh lines. I'll have heartache (to a certain degree). I'll have lived.  Until then, I'll share some quick updates on my life these past few months. 

My career path has not altered since I've last blogged. Rather, it's grown into more of an uncertainty. The agency I'm with and the team I work with are great. Seriously. I don't use this word often, nor do I use it lightly, but I truly love what I do and who is surrounding me while I do it. But it's an interesting thing, success. You think you want it when, but when you have it, is it ever what you thought it'd be. Is it ever really enough? Does your definition of success change? Perhaps this comes from my internal musings that what I do and consider my "job" isn't want to ultimately want as the quick Twitter bio of myself. My life. My legacy. I'm so much more than that. Life is so much more than that. 

Life is also about how is with you during the ride. A while back I wrote about a boy named Tyler. Tyler was a bust. For the quick and dirty, he was in Florida not too long ago and we had plans to meet up for dinner. However, I was greeted with a late night drunken text message that suggested a sexual hook-up. With a laugh and a sarcastic reply (because that's how I handle situations like that), he left Florida and the list of contacts in my phone. Needless to say, we didn't have dinner. We don't talk. We don't text. I do however occasionally creep him on Facebook — guilty. 

My failed attempts at romance aside, life has been fun. It's been an adventure I continue to ride until the good Lord tells me it's my stop. I'll work on giving you more updates to be present. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit} 

Filling the Shoes of my Ambition

It's 2015 and this blog hasn't seen a post from me since September. I guess it's safe to say I'm not really a blogger, but who was I trying to convince? However, with all of that aside, with the new year and the new slate comes a fresh start. Okay, so we're a few days into 2015, but lets not get hung up on the details. 

I'm going to give this blog thing another go, but once again, I'm not trying to be a blogger. This blog is not a feeble attempt at achieving internet fame or joining the ranks of with those who blog for a living — I don't have the stamina for that. Rather, this blog is just a little hidden "gem" of the world for the few friends who know about it and as a means to practice my first amendment — seriously, I need to celebrate that freedom more than I do at the present moment. What's more, this blog is an outlet for me to write something that I want others to read without the need for it to be tailored and edited. That is my job, my Monday through Friday and this blog need not apply. 

Liberation speech over. 

You know how I just wrote about the new year being a fresh start and clean slate? Also, how I'm giving this blogging thing another go? It almost sounded like a new year's resolution, right? Well, I don't like resolutions. At least, those made in the new year. Why limit self improvement to that time frame? Yes, it's is easy way to track and a fresh calendar year can resemble a reset button of sorts, but shouldn't you be striving to become a better person day after day? Shouldn't striving to be better than you were be a lifestyle rather than something that solves a problem? Because, if we set resolutions in hopes of, let's say, losing weight, then that means our weight made us a problem...now where's the healthy, positive thinking in all of that?! 

So, with that I'm not making any resolutions this year. And let's be honest, I really don't make resolutions anyways. Rather, I like to pick a theme for the year. It's a spirit or attitude that I hope embodies the year to come. 2014 was the year of Kefi and looking back, it definitely had kefi moments. From moving to Orlando and starting a job at an amazing agency, to living in an apartment building that doesn't consist of college students (still getting used that one), to meeting a cool guy and being genuinely interested enough to put some walls down...2014 got me out of my comfort zone with enough passion and frenzy to push me off the cliff of growth. 

There is no word for 2015, yet. I did come across an African phrase I really like, "Onye kwe, chie ekwe." It has a few translations, my favorite being, "When you trust your inner voice and have a positive attitude, God will help you achieve your dreams." However, we'll see if it sticks. The difficulty to pronouncing it properly could prove to be an obstacle. 

Regardless of themes or resolutions or goals. This year, I really hope to fill the shoes of my ambitions. I always hoped to be a 20-something who was strong, independent and courageous. 2014 thought me that I can do things on my own and that I can be on my own. This year, I want to master that within myself and my lifestyle. Within that, I want to find my niche in Orlando and see how far and wide I can stretch. Also, I want to be able to jump into things with the faith that will come from it rather than with fear that'll drive me away. 

I'll let you know how it goes. And hopefully, I'll do it along the way. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit}