Live From Hilton Head

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a bit...or a week. Don't worry, I'm still here. I'm still around. Except, I'm just not home.

In the previous post, I mentioned plans to visit Hilton Head Island. Well, I'm here, but my extended family isn't here...any longer/yet. Okay, so that statement is probably a little confusing. Let me explain.

When we first got here, my cousin and her family along with some of our family friends from west Florida joined us. It was fun. They seemed to enjoy my "They say college helps you land a job, look what happened to me," joke. My cousin's daughter, Azalea, also expressed her feelings about going to college to be a nurse. Long story short, she doesn't want to be a nurse, but her parents are emphasizing the job security. (I probably serve as an example of what not to do.) I'll feel bad if she ends up studying to be a nurse and her heart's not it in. That's never fun.

Now the "yet" part of that statement. Well, while my family from Florida left the other day, there is possibility of some of my family from New Jersey driving down to join us for the rest of the week. It's silly, but certain members of my family from west Florida and New Jersey don't get along with one another. I've asked my Dad why and when he explained, I asked, "Are you serious? That's the reason they don't get along?" It's really all silly and a good bit of it is because of my uncle from New Jersey. I won't get into the details, but after a first-hand account of his abrasive judgement from the most ridiculous of reasons, I totally get it. And part of me hopes they decide not to drive down.

However, I won't focus on that! I'll focus on the salty sea a few yards from my door. Who doesn't love that? I'll focus on the chill that greets my cheeks when I step outside. I'll focus on having the beach to myself. I'll focus on getting to read my books in a different location.

Don't cue your own level of self-worth from other people's perception, opinions, views and labels.

Sincerely,

Cybill

Kefi Begets Kefi

Remember how I was all about the Kefi at the start of 2014? I was Kefi's biggest cheerleader. I defended the spirit like it was my good name. Well, we're about 22 days into 2014 and I'm going to need some hard core Kefi spirit next week.

For my Dad's birthday, my Mom has planned for us to spend some time on Hilton Head Island. She also invited a few family members to join us. That's cool. I'm totally okay and on board with this idea. Except, I'm not really totally okay and on board with this idea. I also don't think it'll be that cool. Why? Let me explain.

Chances are, someone will ask me about my life, whether it's my relationship status (or lack thereof), my job (or lack thereof) or my plan for my future (which they would probably conclude is an awful idea). I know it won't be that bad. I mean, they're family. They'll drive you nuts (because they're kind of nuts) but they'll love and support you no matter what. Except they won't, not 100% anyways. Out loud and in front of you, they'll put on a good face, but they'll fail. A small jab will slip. A small jab always slips.

Just the other day my Dad was on the phone talking about me and my brother, the engineer. After discussing our accomplishments, the voice on the phone (that's all I'm going to do to acknowledge her) replied, "Engineering. That's nice. That's good." Not a word of praise for my accomplishments. Not even a nod of acknowledgment. Thanks, voice on the phone, you're all too sweet. I might as well be Isobel Crawley and the world (especially the voice on the phone) the Dowager Countess.

It's like this a lot of the time, especially with my brother being a hot shot in Chicago. But I've taken the criticism with its grain of salt. You can't really hate people who only do things because they have to do them. They work because they need to make money to provide for themselves. They don't work because they actually enjoy what they're doing. You know, they're the type of people who do things to get somewhere else or to get something else. They can't be happy just because. It's a shame, really.

It is with this mindset (and a constant stream of self praise) that I'm going to take on any encounter. I'm going to use this as a means of power, because, heck, I'm pretty awesome. I may have to fake it a bit, but it's comes with the territory. One thing for sure, I'm not going to let their poor opinions of me get to me. I'm not going to let their labels of failure play any role in my life. I'm not going to let them defeat me, because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. (Okay, so may be I give a little damn, but just you wait.) Besides, it's in poor taste to be a defeatist, just ask the Dowager Countess.

I should probably refer back to this pep talk-esque-blog post when the going gets rough. Perhaps, I should also look into making a daily affirmation. This girl does it the right way and she's definitely a woman of Kefi.

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Too Much

"You will always be too much for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. 

If you round out your edges, you lose your edge."

Danielle LaPorete, The Positivity of Pride

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Random Oddities

Without a clear reason as to why, I've made a list of random oddities (hence the post title) that I thought I'd share on my blog. Perhaps it's an ode to Laura's from Little Things & Curiosities "Today I Believe" posts. However, it's a more me, meaning, it's probably a little random and it lacks that majestic feeling Laura has with her posts. Oh well, hakuna matata!

1. Part of me feels like 2014 is still in the distant future. Does that mean I live in the past? Don't answer that, I know the answer to that. I think too much about the shoulda, coulda, woulda.

2. Lately, I've been dreaming of food, but I've had no desire to cook or bake, or really eat. Last time I lost my appetite was when I was sick (which was also when I met Mr. MD).

3. Needtobreathe released two songs off of their new album. Give their new single "The Heart" a listen. Give it a try. Ain't no gift like the present tense, Ain't no love like an old romance, Got'sta make hay when the sun is shinin', Can't waste time when it comes time to dance

4. I started every morning this week with two cups of coffee or two cups of tea. Today, I've limited myself to one cup.

5. Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird will never get old and Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in the 1962 film is damn near perfect in my eyes. 

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Left, Right or Straight Ahead

The summer after my freshmen year of college, I sat in the front passenger seat of our family's 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee while my brother drove home from Daytona Beach where he was attending college. Earlier that summer, my brother had gotten in a car accident (don't worry, no one was hurt) which left his Ford Ranger totaled. His consolation, our family Jeep, which I had named Buster when he was under my care the year prior.

At the time, Buster's AC wasn't functioning, and anyone who lives in Florida or visited Florida during the summer can tell you, a road trip of any length, in a car without proper functioning AC is no way to travel. My brother and I traveled anyways.

We were about an hour into the four hour drive drive, with the windows down allowing anything resembling cool air into the car, when we came to the subject of my future spouse. Perhaps it was being engulfed in the heat coupled with the blur of the passing tress, but it was while we were talking about my future Mr. Right that my brother said something that has stuck with me for the last four and a half years.

It was during that hot summer day when my brother told me, "Cybill, you need to marry a guy who has a plan. He needs to have a solid plan in life and a stable job, because you have no idea where you're going or what you're doing."

With the windows rolled down and I-95 or Florida's Turnpike before us, I think I just laughed, finding humor and a compliment in his statement. Four and a half years later, all I can do is gawk at the amount of truth those words held and still do to this day.

A couple of days ago I was researching the Pacific Crest Trail with plans of one day hiking a section of it. Last year I was researching possible trips to Peru in hopes of one day hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. And a couple of minutes ago, I was discussing plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with my friend and college roommate, Kallie. (Do you notice a trend here?)

I don't know when I'll be able to accomplish any of this, but I know I want to accomplish all of it, and with these plans secured on my bucket list, the things I need to do (i.e., get a job with a steady income) just get pushed lower and lower on the list of things I want to do. Now I find myself standing at the intersection of, I Don't Know What to Do.

Recently, my current predicament has me debating the possibility of becoming a waitress opposed to landing an entry-level job in the PR industry. Waitressing would allow me to one day quit the job without the threat of "throwing away my career." (Is there such a thing as a career in waitressing? I apologize if there is.) But with these thoughts, I find myself having to answer to the part of me that wants to have a successful career (an actual career), a 401K (whatever that is), a mortgage (really, I'd simply like to own a house) and the knowledge that I am a functioning adult who positively contributes to society (and pays their taxes; something about taxes seems so adult to me).

How do I do this? How can I mix this sense of stability with my need for adventure? How do people make their passion their career? Which way to should I turn? These are the things I need to know. These are the questions I need answered. This is what they don't teach you in school.

In the time that it's taken me to type up this blog post, save it as a draft and come back to edit it, I've researched volunteer opportunities abroad (volunteering in an orphanage in Nepal sounds like fun, seriously). In the time since my brother and I drove down from Daytona Beach in an airless Buster, I've come to terms with my wanderlust, but I have yet to come to a conclusion of which way to turn...left, right or continue straight ahead. Perhaps it'll take another four and a half years to figure this out. Perhaps it'll take a guy, my Mr. Right, who has a solid plan and a stable career, or maybe, it'll just take me, day-by-day, taking one step after another, turning left or right, but turning whichever way I choose...

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Ambition & Acceptance: Pacific Crest Trail

I don't know what brought on the desire to strap on a backpack a fraction of my weight and hike, but this weekend I found myself researching the Pacific Crest Trail. Actually, scratch that. I know exactly what brought on the desire. My omnipresent wanderlust spirit and my current read, Wild by Cheryl Strayed.

Now, I understand you may toss this as just another "Silly Cybill Notion," (I should really coin that term), and it may be just that, regardless, isn't it a great one? There's so much adventure in the idea of hiking the more than 2,000 miles from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. (Okay, there is also a little crazy in it, but there's always a level of crazy in any adventure.)

I should probably confess that I have no desire to hike the entire PCT. I'm ambitious, yes, but I also accept my limitations. (My balance of ambition and acceptance is a bit skewed, but it's there.) With my limitations and physical capabilities well in mind, I've narrowed my research to a small portion of the trail located in Oregon. Oregon is the location of choice for a number of reasons. My cousin Kate and her fiancé Paul live in Portland. I have plans to attend their wedding in June and the fact that Kate was a nurse in the Army and Paul's a firefighter help too. (See, I told you I have a balance between ambition and acceptance.) Now comes the stage of planning that take time, finances and all that adult responsibility stuff into account. Not exactly ready for all of that, just yet.

Clearly my plans to take on the PCT are in the early stages. It's in the fetal stage at best, but they're there. They've found their way into my mind and will lay dormant but will not die. It was the same with my plans to study abroad in London. It took a couple of years, but they were realized. Perhaps my plans for PCT will take a couple of years as well, but remember my balance of ambition and acceptance? Well, let's just say my scale leans heavily on ambition.

Sincerely,

Cybill

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I Wore Pajama Pants to a Job Interview

Pajama party with T. Swift

Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Anyone who reads this blog! A precedent has been broken. Actually, two precedents have been broken. This week, I not only wore pajama pants to a job interview (yes, you read that correctly, pajama pants), I'm also telling you (and have told) more than one person about said interview.

Now, before you start to reprimand me about my poor choice in attire, I should probably clarify that this job interview was done via Skype. (Do you feel better now?) I mean, I was dressed properly from my waist up, however, that didn't seem to matter all to much as well, considering I left my hair down and it covered my outfit. Regardless, it felt nice wearing pajama pants! (Holla to the Skype interview!)

In regard to the other precedent, well, let's just say I normally keep job interviews to myself. For the most part, I keep the whole job hunt under tight lips and it's all for selfish reasons. I don't like telling people about the job hunt, because I don't like telling them if things didn't work out. It almost feels like I'm telling them I've failed, and that is not fun, in any way, whatsoever.

This go around, however, was very different. A good number of my close friends knew about the Skype interview. It was nice having my close friends know about the interview. I got more "Good Luck" text messages and who doesn't like to know that people care about you? Anyways, it'll be a few weeks until I can update those friends and all of you with whether or not I'll be moving forward to the next stage of the interview process. Fingers crossed something positive will materialize from this.

Now, onto helping Vassi along with her "relationship" with E. Remind me to tell you all about that! Happy Friday!

Sincerely,

Cybill 

Winners & Losers

In life, especially in the game of football, there are always winners and losers, but last night and today, the Florida State University Seminoles are winners!

Did y'all watch that game?! I hope you did, because it was one heck of a game. The lows were definitely present, with Florida State trailing for most of the first half and going into halftime behind. But the high at the end was absolutely amazing and I'm still riding it.

With less than two minutes left in the game, Florida State scored the touchdown to put us on top leaving 13 seconds left. However, I still wasn't able to breath easy and I don't think Gabby could breath at all. Gabby is probably going to hate me for sharing that picture of her, sorry Gabs! But back to the game, I know the score can change and I've seen Auburn do it with one second on the clock. I'll hand it to those Tigers, they never gave up the fight, but as the clock winded down, as cheers rang throughout Tallahassee (and any/every where there was a Seminole), we claimed our victory. It felt good. It felt really good and I'm so happy!

Is it possible to fully describe this kind of happiness? I don't think so, but it's AWESOME! I mean, it was a great game, that's for sure, but it was definitely made better with the win. I would have hated to walk away from that without the victory and I am in no way envious of any Auburn fan. (Sorry I'm not sorry.)

The text messages exchange between friends following the victory made the sweet moment even sweeter. Yes, we weren't together, it was just me and my friend Gabby, but we celebrated, because it didn't matter. It didn't matter, because WE WON! Yeah, you shouldn't count on me forgetting that fact EVER nor should you expect me to not to mention it...at least for a couple of weeks. (Again, sorry I'm not sorry.)

I must also point out that this is could very well be the first big presence of kefi. I know I've mentioned how this year is the year of kefi, the year of triumphs and if this win isn't a sign of the celebrations to come, I don't know what is!

Just in case you missed a second of the game, or like me, you want to bask in the glory of victory,

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Sincerely,

Cybill 

Feels Like Christmas

If you woke up this morning feeling a sense of excitement that can only be compared to the feeling you get Christmas morning, odds are you're a Florida State Seminole (or an Auburn Tiger), because today's game day!

The long awaited day is finally here and I don't know what to do with myself until kickoff. I enjoyed some ESPN coverage of the game with my morning coffee, but that just got me more excited, and that mixed with the caffeine, has me more wired than necessary. I'll totally take it though, because this is a big day for Seminoles everywhere! Man, I really wish I were in Pasadena...

You can probably concluded that I'm really excited about tonight's game. However, that's not all. I'm just excited! Genuinely excited, but for no particular reason. Part of me thinks it's because I'm channeling Kefi (I'm really all about the kefi), but I don't know if that's just it. Something's different and God, the universe, the push and pulls of the world are definitely working toward something, for something...and for something big. (Okay, I'll stop being all Pocahontas. You probably think I'm officially crazy.)

Anyways, seeing as this blog post doesn't seem at all focused — aside from my excitement for tonight's game —I'll leave you to your Monday/Game day. Hopefully, I'll be back basking in the glory of a victory, as it is a year of victories! GO NOLES!

Oh yes, the happiest of birthday shout outs to Mr. Famous Jameis! Kick ass and take names tonight!

Sincerely,

Cybill 

And We're Off

2014 is here and we're up and running! Okay, so we've really be at it for three days, forgive me for my delay, but low and behold, we've got the first blog post of 2014! Heyyy!

Congested, this was my view NYE.

I rang in the new year with minimal pomp and circumstance. I had dinner with my family and settled down to watch the Chick-Fil-A Bowl with Duke and Texas A&M. (That was an awesome game, even though Duke lost. Nonetheless, shout out to the ACC!) From there on, it was smooth sailing until 3 a.m. when it was time to drop my brother off at the airport for his 5 a.m. flight. Alright, so it was almost smooth sailing.

You know the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well...be careful, because that saying does ring true, to a certain extent. In my previous post, I mentioned ringing in 2014 with a kiss from the Doctor (or, as I call him, Mr. M.D.). Don't get too excited, it didn't happen, I kissed my cat, yet again. However, I was wasn't feeling well the final hours of 2013 and the early hours of 2014. Was I ill enough to take a trip to the ER? No, but I was definitely uncomfortable. So, I "wished" to ring in the new year with Mr. M.D., and got "sick," but not sick enough. Yeah, I'm going to take that as a sign to drop that daydream right now.  (So long Mr. M.D., thanks for being my daydream man for 2013!)

My head on collision with congestion and sneezing had me waking up with an awful sore throat the next morning. Feeling a few shades of uncomfortable, I spent the first day of 2014 shifting my head to clear my nasal passages and watching college football...A LOT of college football. I believe I watched five games that day — not five entire games, I just watched bits and pieces of five games. I'm not going to complain, it was a great way to build more anticipation for the big kahuna, the BCS National Championship Game! GO NOLES!

Please ignore how awkward I look.

With that game in the horizon, my outlook for 2014 looks promising. I've convinced myself it'll be the year of triumphs and my arms will be sore and fabulously toned from the amount of times I've raised them in victory. My friend Vassi and I have also dedicated this year to the year of Kefi. We discussed our game plan at length during a two hour lunch yesterday (okay, so we mostly discussed boys, relationships and life, but kefi can and will go along with all of that)!

This year, will also be a year to build on my understanding of my faith and God's love for me. (I'll try not to get preachy.) After a late night chat with my friend Catrina (God bless her, for all her spiritual guidance), she helped me realize that I'm a good person, despite all my missteps and mistakes. She also helped me realize, that believing this doesn't make me entitled. I haven't fully grasped that concept just yet, but I'm getting there and I will get there.

Carefully yet deliberately I will arrive at the end of this year having fulling embraced 2014 for all it will offer and for all it's glories! Get ready, folks, because this year is going to be wonderfully amazing, I'm going to make sure of it!

Sincerely,

Cybill