Upon My Death, Follow These Rules

Okay, so this post may be a little morbid in thought, but let's take like PR pros and "spin it," I'm just being proactive. (Selfishly, I also what I micromanage my funeral.)

First things first. You're probably asking yourself, "Cybill, why would you write such a horrific blog post?" To that, I answer with: (One) I've recently envisioned myself in a horrific car accident. (Knock on wood.) I don't know how it ends, as I shut my eyes and shake away the feeling creeping down my spine, but in the event that it's death and this vision becomes reality, I'd like to know I was prepared. (Two) I recently finished Mindy Kaling's book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), in which she has a chapter specifying rules for her funeral. I thought I'd take a page — or in this case a chapter — and outline my own funeral. Trust me, I'm doing all of you a favor.

Second things second. As the majority of my friends and everyone in my family don't know about this blog, I'm leaving these rules to be found and executed by the friends in the know. (I hope you ladies accept your mission, otherwise, we're in the shits.)

Rules and Regulations
1. If you're crying, stop. I didn't live a life worthy of tears. No one was able to breathe easy because I lived my life. I'm not being self deprecating, it's a fact that I have accepted. * However, tears are acceptable in private quarters.

2. Food must be present, preferably food that I particularly enjoyed, so don't skimp on the desserts and baked goods. An array of breakfast foods is completely acceptable and I wouldn't mind if my funeral is to be catered by Chick-fil-A.

3. Black attire is not necessary. While it is the historic color of mourning, I don't require you purchase and/wear black. I do, however, require you to be comfortable. It's miserable enough that I'm no longer there, I don't want to add to that burden. **

4. Multiple flower arrangements need not be present. One simple floral arrangement consisting of lavender roses and white hydrangeas will be plenty. I would have enjoyed flowers when I was alive, so y'all missed your chance there.

5. Music that invokes the desire to dance shall be the only music played. Think songs along the lines of Manfred Mann's Do Wah Diddy. I also encourage dancing. I want people who aren't invited to my funeral to wish they were, because it looks like an awesome party. Feel free to invite those people.

6. To the person(s) entrusted to delivery a eulogy, you better do a damn good job, I'll be listening. Please feel free to include humorous stories of my unparalleled wit and fiercely independent spirit. If you can't think of any examples to portray those characteristics, make them up, but make them believable or complete and utter crap that people won't know whether to laugh or be offended. However, I don't want a roast. Roast me and I'll crawl out of my grave to haunt you.

7. The prayer cards to be distributed at my funeral must include the phrase, "Badass chick from the Moulin Rouge" below my name. ***

8. Ex-boyfriends shall be informed of my passing and invited, pending they are in utter grief and regret ending the fight to win back my heart. Invite anyone you deem fit, but make sure they don't celebrate my passing the way you'd celebrate passing an exam.

9. Permission to print and/or distribute these rules and regulations are permitted. Copy and paste them in emails, if you find it necessary. I completely understand, it's probably easier.

10. In the event I do live a fabulous life, get married and have children, these rules and regulations do not apply. Some of them might...check with my lawyer or next of kin or whatever.

Sincerely,

Cybill



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*In the event that I was able to live a life noteworthy of a movie or Nobel Prize, public tears are permitted. Furthermore, these rules and regulations will be considered null and void. Please see updated rules and regulations.
**While I do wish for you to be comfortable, I do suggest people (mostly you, Lamb) wear pants. A dress or a skirt will work as well.
***Please emphasis the sarcasm in this sentiment, as I am fully aware of the occupation held by the "chicks of the Moulin Rouge." 

Recommended Reading

They can say what they want about people who assume, but I'm going to assume most, if not all of you, enjoy reading, to a certain extent at least. I'm going to go ahead even further and assume that just like myself, when you read something you really enjoy or something by someone close to you, you share it. 

You can call it spreading positivity, enlightenment or just the simple act of sharing, but I thought I'd share a little something with all of you. I thought I'd share something I read with my recommendation that you definitely read it. (Hence the post title.)

Most of these, whether they're a blog posts, an article or what-have-yous, I came across online. Some I bookmarked, others I forwarded to a friend and then, there are some forwarded to me. It's an intricate web linking minds through shared reading, an instant library with no due dates and late fees, it's the modern day spread of knowledge. I like to consider it something like a free education (unless you want to calculate the fees for electricity and wi-fi, but let's not get too technical).

At the same time, let's get things going. Without further ado, below are a few things I read that are definitely worth your time. I hope you're able to take something from it, even if it's just a fleeting chuckle or a half smile from a pull at your heartstrings. Ultimately, I hope you enjoy your read and your views on my literary prowess aren't too beneath you.

• Happy Wife, Crazy Army Life: I've mentioned my dear friend Colleen in a previous post. In this post, I'm happy to mention her as a fellow blogger. She recently started a blog to share her new life as a wife and an army wife at that. Living a few thousand miles northwest, she's embracing life and kind enough to share it with us. For any Florida State Seminole fans out there, you'd probably appreciate her latest post and can relate it on a number of levels. 
• Marriage Isn't For You: Now, before you mark this one as sounding too cynical for your palette, I definitely think you should give a try, a once over, a skim of sorts. You may be surprised as it isn't exactly what you'd expect. As PR goes, I saw this link appear on my Facebook newsfeed a couple of times, but it wasn't until my friend, Christine, sent it to me that had me reading it. I wasn't disappointed and I hope you won't be as well.
• What She Doesn't Know Will Kill You: I first came across this article years ago, I must have been in middle school, but as years have come and gone, this has always stayed in the back of my mind. I can't tell you exactly why it's been etched into my brain, forever cataloged as one of my favorite reads, but it has and thus, this piece by Matt Brochu is worthy of sharing. 

I hope y'all enjoyed your reads! What do you have cataloged as your recommended reads?

Sincerely,

Cybill

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