Being Present

The irony that this blog post is titled "Being Present" yet my last post was dated January is not lost on me. I haven't been present. Not on this blog, that's for certain. But I've been present in life. I've been enjoying myself and all of life's spenders. I've cried — oh yes, I have cried. I've smiled. So much so that my cheeks hurt. I've felt alive and I've felt alone. And I wouldn't trade it in for the world. 

If I look back years from now and remember that my reason for not blogging is because I've been doing things to blog about, then I'll be happy. I'll have laugh lines. I'll have heartache (to a certain degree). I'll have lived.  Until then, I'll share some quick updates on my life these past few months. 

My career path has not altered since I've last blogged. Rather, it's grown into more of an uncertainty. The agency I'm with and the team I work with are great. Seriously. I don't use this word often, nor do I use it lightly, but I truly love what I do and who is surrounding me while I do it. But it's an interesting thing, success. You think you want it when, but when you have it, is it ever what you thought it'd be. Is it ever really enough? Does your definition of success change? Perhaps this comes from my internal musings that what I do and consider my "job" isn't want to ultimately want as the quick Twitter bio of myself. My life. My legacy. I'm so much more than that. Life is so much more than that. 

Life is also about how is with you during the ride. A while back I wrote about a boy named Tyler. Tyler was a bust. For the quick and dirty, he was in Florida not too long ago and we had plans to meet up for dinner. However, I was greeted with a late night drunken text message that suggested a sexual hook-up. With a laugh and a sarcastic reply (because that's how I handle situations like that), he left Florida and the list of contacts in my phone. Needless to say, we didn't have dinner. We don't talk. We don't text. I do however occasionally creep him on Facebook — guilty. 

My failed attempts at romance aside, life has been fun. It's been an adventure I continue to ride until the good Lord tells me it's my stop. I'll work on giving you more updates to be present. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit} 

Filling the Shoes of my Ambition

It's 2015 and this blog hasn't seen a post from me since September. I guess it's safe to say I'm not really a blogger, but who was I trying to convince? However, with all of that aside, with the new year and the new slate comes a fresh start. Okay, so we're a few days into 2015, but lets not get hung up on the details. 

I'm going to give this blog thing another go, but once again, I'm not trying to be a blogger. This blog is not a feeble attempt at achieving internet fame or joining the ranks of with those who blog for a living — I don't have the stamina for that. Rather, this blog is just a little hidden "gem" of the world for the few friends who know about it and as a means to practice my first amendment — seriously, I need to celebrate that freedom more than I do at the present moment. What's more, this blog is an outlet for me to write something that I want others to read without the need for it to be tailored and edited. That is my job, my Monday through Friday and this blog need not apply. 

Liberation speech over. 

You know how I just wrote about the new year being a fresh start and clean slate? Also, how I'm giving this blogging thing another go? It almost sounded like a new year's resolution, right? Well, I don't like resolutions. At least, those made in the new year. Why limit self improvement to that time frame? Yes, it's is easy way to track and a fresh calendar year can resemble a reset button of sorts, but shouldn't you be striving to become a better person day after day? Shouldn't striving to be better than you were be a lifestyle rather than something that solves a problem? Because, if we set resolutions in hopes of, let's say, losing weight, then that means our weight made us a problem...now where's the healthy, positive thinking in all of that?! 

So, with that I'm not making any resolutions this year. And let's be honest, I really don't make resolutions anyways. Rather, I like to pick a theme for the year. It's a spirit or attitude that I hope embodies the year to come. 2014 was the year of Kefi and looking back, it definitely had kefi moments. From moving to Orlando and starting a job at an amazing agency, to living in an apartment building that doesn't consist of college students (still getting used that one), to meeting a cool guy and being genuinely interested enough to put some walls down...2014 got me out of my comfort zone with enough passion and frenzy to push me off the cliff of growth. 

There is no word for 2015, yet. I did come across an African phrase I really like, "Onye kwe, chie ekwe." It has a few translations, my favorite being, "When you trust your inner voice and have a positive attitude, God will help you achieve your dreams." However, we'll see if it sticks. The difficulty to pronouncing it properly could prove to be an obstacle. 

Regardless of themes or resolutions or goals. This year, I really hope to fill the shoes of my ambitions. I always hoped to be a 20-something who was strong, independent and courageous. 2014 thought me that I can do things on my own and that I can be on my own. This year, I want to master that within myself and my lifestyle. Within that, I want to find my niche in Orlando and see how far and wide I can stretch. Also, I want to be able to jump into things with the faith that will come from it rather than with fear that'll drive me away. 

I'll let you know how it goes. And hopefully, I'll do it along the way. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit}

Random Oddities

1. Having a friend to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a good thing. Having a friend who has different opinions to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a better thing.

2. Taking a nap on a Saturday afternoon is a good a idea. Sometimes when the world gets too heavy and the winds roar loud, the best thing to do is take a nap.

3. "You can and will stress yourself out more than anyone else ever will. Cut yourself a little slack, stop trying to burn eighty candles at eighty ends, and try to remember that how you react to something is as much a catalyst for stress as the thing itself." — Ella Ceron, 20 Truths That Will Make Your Life Easier in Your 20s

4. Once someone flakes on you, it becomes something you expect. It's the sad truth, but keeping plans goes beyond simply doing something. It shows the kind of respect you have for the other person and how you value your time.

5. The right song, played at the right time will can do wonders for your mood, your happiness and your well-being. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

Football, My Love, You're Back

You know that feeling you get, when you meet eyes with someone cute and they smile and your heart gets like warm butter on hot toast? Well, that's how I feel when Seminole football is back...only better.

You're probably aware of my excitement for the return of college football. I mean, I don't really try to hide it much less try to keep it a secret. You're also probably well aware of the team I support and the team I pledge my loyalty. Again, that's not much of a secret. Knowing that, you're probably well aware of my gratitude for the return of the college football season.

There is something to be said about college football. The amount of money that is involved in the sport is staggering, especially in respect to the fact these athletes aren't considered professionals and really, aren't suppose to receive a cut. Yes, they do receive nice perks by being on the team, but it all comes at a cost.

While most college students can disregard their alarm clock in the morning, football players and really any athlete are tied to it like a ball and chain. Waking up early to work their bodies into great machines to win important games. But they're also working to win more than that game and the games to follow. They're working to win the approval of their teammates, the approval of their coaches and the approval of their respected college community. If they drop the ball, they lost the game. However, if at the end, we stand victorious, we are the winners.

It's easy to think the cost of being a college athlete is easily overweighed by the perks, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Walking around campus as a celebrity isn't necessarily glamorous. Knowing you walk into an environment with a target on your back and on your chest isn't the most comforting. To go out on the field, week after week, it's a feat.

As the season begins, with each team standing level with one another, each with the same the number of wins compared to loses, I want to take a second in gratitude. I want to thank them for their early mornings and tough practices. I want to thank them for playing to win and putting it all on the line. And finally, I want to thank them for playing the game we all love to play and watch.

Go Seminoles!

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit//GIF Credit}

There's No Crying in PR

...unless it's the end of the day, you're back in your apartment and alone.

I guess this deserves some explanation.

Friday afternoon was like any other Friday afternoon in the office. Everyone was at their desk, fingers dancing across their keyboard to get what needed to be drafted, delivered and finalized out of their inbox and off of their to-do list to make it out of the office by four o'clock. Four o'clock Fridays were drawing to an end and with only two (including that particular Friday) left, it was a dream to get out as close to four as possible.

So why the tears, you ask?

Well, I had a review that afternoon; and I look forward to reviews like a bug looks forward to the windshield of a car.

Holding back tears while being told I need to "work on my confidence," "be careful about being too creative" and really trying to "own things," I couldn't help but get pulled back to my time in New York.  My family and friends will tell you I was not a happy camper in the big apple. I wasn't even close. I use strong words like "hate" and "disgust" to plainly allude to feelings that have only left a reminisce of my self-esteem in the working world. I had been bent and broken. I had been burned and shredded. Forever scared, with a bitter aftertaste that sits in the back of your throat like an ex-boyfriend's name.

Sitting in that conference room, I was once again "too much" while being "not enough." My edges were sharp, but in the wrong places. My accent marks punctuated the wrong part of the word. My kick of the ball landing it in the wrong goal. My efforts had been too strong in the wrong direction.

While the feedback stems from hopes of improvement, its flower perfumes a smell of disappointment. I left feeling more vulnerable than when I entered, than when I even started. Hunched from the weighted of the "criticism" I came back to my apartment and cried. I cried like that baby I really am, because let's be real...I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.

So what better thing to do then get it all down on this blog. Pour it all out and turn each piece over. One-by-one. Carefully, I'll find the pieces that connect. I'll build my boarder and piece together my picture. I will always be too much for some people. My accent forever a bit off. But I refuse to dull my edges and weaken my efforts. Those will stay as they are and the other parts of me will just learn to be as sharp and as strong, because there is no crying in PR.

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

Priority

"Instead of saying 'I don't have time' try saying 'it's not a priority,' and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. Try it: 'I'm not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it's not a priority.' 'I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.' If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently."

— Laura Vanderkam, Are You As Busy As You Think?

{Photo Credit}

You Play Ball like a Girl

Whether or not you follow the Little League World Series or sports in general, you'd better get yourself acquainted with Mo'Ne Davis. The talented 13-year-old is making a name for herself and paving a way for girls to take over the world. While Beyonce has been singing about the girls running the world, Mo'Ne Davis is showing up the mound to show she can run the world of sports. 

Though I'm not the type to be overly vocal about my beliefs that women aren't just dainty little flowers that need to be protected, I don't hide the fact that I aspire to be a strong and independent woman. Perhaps this stems from my youth, growing up as one of the few girls on my street and one of two who would play tag football with the guys. Regardless of where, when or why, it's great when you see girls, especially young girls, give it all they got to be a girl on top of a man's world. 

To all my sisters out there, whatever you do, bring it. And bring like a girl. There will be a day when "You play ball like a girl," will be the compliment of all compliments and perhaps that day is sooner than we expect. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

Lessons For My Daughter

When you start college...

It's August, which only means one thing (okay, two if you count the beginning of the college football season). School is right around the corner and many young girls are packing their bags to begin the wild ride that is college. One day, you'll be packed and nervously excited, awaiting the beginning of amazing expedition. Thinking back to my four years are Florida State University, it's hard to say what I loved most and hold as my deepest regret. But last night, when my roommate asked me for some advice she can share with her cousin, it got me thinking about some of the best takeaways unearthed outside the classroom.

1. Low maintenance friends of high quality are the best friends. The amount of push and pull that happens within the span of four years can be daunting. The pressures of deciding a career path, pursuing goals and embracing the mistakes that turns into lessons are best managed with a group of friends that just get you — no make-up, no fuss, no inhibitions. Find them. Trust in them. Grow with them. Finding the right people who will frame your memories without cluttering the picture is a true treasure and a gem to be kept forever.

2. Study abroad. Study abroad for a semester, for the summer or for the whole year. Live, grow and learn in a new country with different smells, different languages and different people. There is a lot of stretching, leaning and yearning in college and in your early twenties. Do it in a different country and collect stories of places far from home. I'll miss you, but I know the growing you'll do abroad will open and fill your eyes with spark to better see the world and live your passion.

3. Go out on a school night. Alright, this one I advise with some reservation, but I will say, it's okay to go out on a school night. You're young, so do it now while you're body can still rally the next day. When you have an exam the next day, it's probably best to stay in (though it isn't completely off the table). I trust your judgement and trust me, you'll always be surprised by the people you meet and the relationships that form on those random school nights out.

4. Go beyond the college town. Drive two hours west to go camping. You've flown halfway around the world to surround yourself with the unfamiliar and continue to do that in any way possible. It probably won't be the same. It won't have the same kind of sparkle, but it'll open your eyes to something beyond the every day. Tell yourself you're going to do this and then do it.

5. Live for now, but work for tomorrow. Live and study. It's a balance. It's a give and take, a push and pull that will take a little while to fully grasp. But learn how to do everything you want to do and everything you have to do early. There will be sacrifices, but at the end of your four years in college, if properly done, you'll have a great future to look forward to and great friends to share it with as you reminisce on great memories.

Sincerely,

Cybill

The Anatomy of My Not So Romantic Meet Cute

In your twenties, you'll come to find a number of your friends, classmates and acquaintance begin to settle down and get married. It can be a little weird. One minute you're in school and the next minute, they took Beyonce's advice and put a ring on it. Anyways, I'm not complaining. I love weddings! I mean, who doesn't love a party where you get all dolled up and celebrate the love between two people? I'm such a sap.

Wedding talk aside, I have to say, I really enjoy hearing about how two people met and  how they almost didn't. It almost makes you wonder if there is such a thing as fate. Do soulmates really exist? Can the meeting of two people really be kismet? 

In June, I had my own rub with fate. In a small way, I had my own meet-cute. But don't call Katherine Heigl just yet. This is no Rom-Com.

Setting
I was traveling to Portland from Orlando for my cousin's wedding. Waking up around 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning, I had packed, got myself to the airport and made it as a stand-by passenger on the first flight to Chicago. My early start had afforded me smooth sailing and about two hours to eat breakfast in O'Hare International Airport. However, my two and half hour layover morphed into five and a half hours thanks to a three hour delay. One croissant, small coffee, almond pretzel, over-priced water bottle, small bag of trail-mix and three hours later, we were finally boarding the flight to Portland. It was a four and a half our flight and I had a middle seat.

I thank the powers of God and the universe for joining together, because as soon as I reached my row, the lucky girl who had window seat had asked me if I wanted to trade seats with her friend a few rows back. Homegirl had a window seat and it didn't really take much convincing. Window seat for a four hour and a half our flight?! WIN! All that was next was for me to pull my FSU baseball hat low over my eyes and embrace the nap ahead of me, but where's the romance in that?

The Meet-Cute
Enter Tyler. We'll call him Tyler, because, well...that's his name. In he walks, excusing himself past Jerry (the 17-year-old who attends a snowboarding high school — snowboarding high schools are real) and wearing an Oregon Ducks hoodie. Without too much hesitation, I asked him if he attended the University of Oregon and conversation quickly turned to college football. With my alma mater, the Florida State University Seminoles winning the National Championship earlier this year, the topic of conversation is probably no surprise. But what surprised me was how long Tyler and I talked and what we talked about.

Thinking back, I think we pretty much touched on almost everything. We discussed and suggested books and movies, learned about jobs and places traveled, traded sibling stories and even touched on the topic of sex and joining the mile-high club (not with each other, what kind of girl do you think I am?!). It was strange and in a way, comforting. There's something about meeting someone and simply talking and trading stories. They have no idea who you are and you haven't a clue about them.

At the end of the flight, we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.

The End of the Rom-Com, Maybe?
Now, you're probably wondering what happened. Did we meet up one day and frolic around the city, taking adorable pictures worthy of any pre-teen magazine? No. We didn't. He invited me to hang out with his friends Saturday evening, but that was my cousin's wedding day and an opportunity to catch up with my family whom I haven't seen in months. The choice was easy, but perhaps a small part of me wonders what could have happened if I snuck away for an hour and a drink.

A few members of my glam fam. 

Relationship Status
Our relationship status (and I'm not talking about Facebook "Relationship Status") is friends...ish. Perhaps we're more distant friends or simply acquaintances. We're two ships passing in the night, or maybe more like two plans passing in flight.

We've texted a bit here-and-there, but that's kind of it. It's the end of the meet-cute. The rom-com without the rom...and perhaps the com. The beginning, "middle" and abrupt end, leaving you with what-ifs and what could have been. 

Youthful Optimism
Meet-cutes are real! Rare, but real. They happen, and while you may not realize it at the time, it's great story to share with girlfriends. Yes, the what-ifs can drive you mad, but as a lover of love, this does give me a little hope...and who knows, maybe this isn't the end of the "Rom-Com." His Oregon Ducks may find themselves matched up against my Seminoles...and that would be a great next chapter to this story.

I should also add, Portland and the surround area is a really pretty place to visit.

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit//Personal//Personal//Personal//Tyler}

Some

"Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are built from it."

— Michelle K, Some

2014 Goals...Made in August

It's August and my attempts at blogging have failed miserably. I think I posted one post in the month of July. Where does all the time go? I think it's spent at work or sleeping. Lately, that's all I feel I do, but I've promised to be kinder to myself. Yes...napping is something kind to gift myself, but so is living life and that latter is far more adventurous. With that in mind, I'm going to greet the rest of 2014 with a few goals. Some are a little silly, but all are hopeful.

1. Staying up late to live a litte more. Since I began my new job, I've been so set in my way of sleeping at decent hour. I love to sleep. I love being in my pajamas and just cuddling in my bed. However, that's not what life is about. My goal is sleep a little later...perhaps an hour or so (let's not get crazy, I do have to work the next day) and just do a little more, even if it's something small, like reading a book or watching a movie.

2. Calling, not texting. Some of my friends can probably attest to this. I do like to chat and if you need someone to talk to for an hour during your drive, give me a call. However, this doesn't mean I do it with everyone. More often than not, I'll settle for texting someone, but it just seems to lackluster. Hearing someone's voice and being able to give your full attention to talk with someone on the phone holds so much more value.

3. Sitting up straight. Silly and small, but considering I sit at my desk for most of the day, it's probably best that I work on my posture. I have an awful posture and I should really do something about it, especially since I have scoliosis.

4. Turning to prayer for my answers. I'm a girl with a bunch of questions that never really seem to get answered. Lately, I've found that some of my questions don't even have clean-cut defined answers as much as I ask others and as much as I think about it. When it comes to that, clearly, the only way to get my answer is through prayer and through Christ. There's really no better way.

5. Enjoying the beautiful angelic morning. One Sunday evening, not too long ago, I remember dreading the idea of having to wake up and go into work the following morning. I had no real reason, I just didn't want to do it. Then I realized, it's a waste of my energy and my emotions. The way you feel about something really does play a major role in how things work out, and as silly as it sounds, it really is best to go into things excited, happy and grateful about life!

Okay, enough motivational mumbo-jumbo from me. I have to indulge in life a litte more before I really feel inspiring!

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

You're Going to be Fine

"Sometimes you're 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You're just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you're reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don't feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but 'Mom's' probably wouldn't feel like home anymore either. There used to be comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you'll never be this young again but this is the first time you've ever been this old. When you can't remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee's done. You're going to breathe in and out. You're going to be fine in about five minutes." 

— Unknown

{Photo Credit}

And Here We Are Again

I'm still here. I'm still alive. This blog may be on life support, but it's not dead.

These past few weeks have fun-ish a ride. Some ups, definitely some downs and ultimately, I'm standing here, confused as to which direction is the right direction, and whether there is a right direction at all. 

So, I've stayed in Orlando over the weekend a few times now. I've tried that whole "explore where you live" thing. Two evenings in a row, I even went out downtown to check out Orlando's nightlight, and perhaps made a few "friends" (let's use that term loosely). But don't ask me if I'm in love yet (or possibly ever). I may just laugh...out loud and in your face. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Staying in town and going out, having brunch the next day, that was all fun. But, most of the reasons I enjoyed myself was because of the company, and isn't that how it usually goes? One of my closest friends from college was in town and the two of us, along with another girlfriend of ours from college checked out the Orlando nightlight. Short evening short, we ended up calling it a night around midnight. Clearly, we can't hang the way we used to in college. 

Anyways, there's that side of the Orlando life and then there is what takes up most of my time, work. Work has been keeping be busy. It's the reason I get up at the hour I do. The company I have at work is great. Truth be told, if it wasn't for the company and all the fun stuff, it'd definitely make things far more difficult. And I say that with a few things in mind, so here me out...

Day-after-day, we're constantly working to please our clients. It's the nature of the beast. Yet, week-after-week, they don't seem happy with what we're delivering. Can we do more? Perhaps. But do we have the resources? No, we don't. And I'm starting to loose all hope in it and once again, I'm second guessing my "career" choice. 

Is there a reason I should keep on trying to please these people who never seem grateful? Is there even a point to it at the end of the day? What I do, it doesn't make anyone breathe easier. I don't go to bed at night knowing that someone's life is better because of what I did that day and I'm starting to second guess if this what I want to turn into a career?

Ultimately, I know that my answer is No. But until I'm through with this lease on my apartment and I figure out a plan to change things, I guess this is the game to play.

{Photo Credit}

Cultivate. Understand. Expand.

"Decide today to stretch yourself. Take on a goal that you had previously given up on. Get lost doing something you love. Cultivate happiness within yourself. Understand and know that life isn't just about what you do. It's about how you serve and what you give! Go within yourself to grow outside yourself. Expand your comfort zone." 

— Unknown

{Photo Credit}

Owning Up

Hi everyone. I know, I know. I'm an awful blogger. Considering my last blog post was April 24 and it's now May 5th (Happy Cinco de Mayo, by the way), it's plain to see that I'm not a frequent flyer on this blog. And while that is true, there's more to the story than that. There's not that much more, though. Truth be told, I'm usually just tired when I get back from work most days and I decide to nap instead of blog. There is also that fact that the hours seem to fly by. Seriously, it's practically 8 p.m. and I feel like I got back to my apartment not too long ago.

Anyways, let's me try to tell you about something interesting! This weekeend, I visited my lovely roommate (college roommate) and friend, Carling! I guess it comes at no surprise that I didn't stick around Orlando. Since I've started working downtown, I've stayed in Orlando once. Yes, you read that correctly, once...and I started working here in March. But that's besides the point...

I spent this past weekend in Jacksonville and it was great! It was nice being with really good friends. There's a level of comfort when getting together with an old friend. They know you and you know them. There is no need to apologize for burping or question whether or not they have something in their closet you can steal; you already know the answer. And, I've realized, living alone...the laughs and simple day-to-day friendship makes a hard day so much better.

While in Jacksonville, I also got to spend some time with my friend, Dan. Now, before you get into thinking the relationship between Dan and I is anything but platonic, let me stop you. Dan and I are friends, and we'll never end up together, despite what a few of my coworkers believe. Aside from that, spending time with Dan and Carling (as well as some of our friends) was great! I actually have friends, despite what it feels like while I'm in Orlando.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was my weekend. Nothing fancy, nothing crazy, but everything I needed this weekend. Time with good friends and good bit of food!

I should probably add the small fact that the large amount of food continued onto today. We had a Cinco de Mayo potluck at work and let me tell you...I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the conference room and nap after lunch. SO. MUCH. FOOD. But really, it was great!

Alrighty, I should probably go...but skip a real dinner. Considering everything I ate, I should just look at food and call it a night. I'll see about getting better about updating...and perhaps living a life worth sharing!

Sincerely,

Cybill 

Little Things

It's crazy how the little things in life can cause joy and anger. Little things and simple things can take their toll and lighten the load. It's all mad and it's magic. This morning it took a bit of effort for me to really focus on the wonder than the worry. It took a couple deep breaths, but I'm always amazed at the results when you defend the silver lining.

In light of my get-up-and-dance mood, I thought I'd share some of my little things in life — of the happy variety.

1. Listening to the right song. The kind of song that causes you dance in your chair (or get up and dance), smile and take a deep breath, because life is good and everything is going to be okay. 
2. A kind word. The smallest compliment at the right time during a rough day can do wonders for the mind, body, soul and spirit. Keep those kind words handy, because sometimes, you'll have to be your own messager and the receiver. 
3. A photo of something funny, of something heartwarming or simply, someone that makes you smile. It's always great to have a photo of some sort in your back pocket, but today, stumbling upon a photo definitely brought a smile to my face. 
4. Someone who'll ask you what's wrong and listen, really listen. These people are few and far between, but when you find them, hold onto them, because they are the good people. 
5. Laughing, at anything and everything. Pretending to laugh just to get yourself to start laughing works as well. Granted, you might come off a little crazy, but when you need to bounce back, you do what you have to do to bounce back. 

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{GIF Credit}

Difference Maker

"You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make." 

— Jane Goodall

{Photo Credit: Jane Goodall. National Geographic, 1974}

Semi-Unexpected Conversations

Today, I feel like it's common to reply to a voicemail and missed call with a text message. Typically those responses read, "Hey, what's up?" or "Sorry I missed you're call. What's up?" No one believes in talking on the phone. So, this afternoon, when I received a call from my London GC, (graduate counselor, the London equivalent to an RA) Justin, I was pleasantly surprised.

Aside from a few text messages during holidays, a "Happy Birthday" post on Facebook and an occasional "Hey, where are my pictures?" message, Justin and I don't talk. Whatever we had resembling a friendship while I was in college dwindled to an idle "relationship" (of the non-romantic, essentially non-existent type) where small talk and labels of "acquaintance" clung to our chest before gliding to the ground.

This afternoon, during our chat, I wouldn't say it was necessarily so idle. Don't get your hopes up or anything. Feelings of love or secret admiration and heartfelt devotion didn't flow out of either of us the Niagara Falls. Rather, it was more of an older distant cousin sharing some advice to a girl starting off on her own. During our chat, I learned a few things...

1. When he was a kid, Justin wanted to be a banker of some sort. Kid was dreaming big. I guess not everyone aspires to being a Philanthropist, but the world needs its bankers. 
2. The intensity of the travel bug dies down...for some. I guess it's the old adage, "Different strokes for different folks," and it applies to travel. Justin, who's been a good number of places, is calling it Pause on his escapades abroad. Is there really such a thing as calling it Pause? Won't you be in a forever state of wanderlust?!
3. Some people aspire to retire with $1 million dollars, other people just aspire. I totally understand the desire to retire with the padding of a loaded bank account. However, I never wanted to work because of the money. I never wanted to do anything because of the money. Granted, there are some things I do because of the money (Hey, I need to pay my bills), but I also don't dream of retiring with that much padding. Perhaps, it's because part of me hopes to have a career that doesn't feel like work. It's the part of me that hopes to love what I do so much, I can't imagine ever taking a step back or taking it a notch down. Again, it's that old adage. 

Ultimately, that chat with Justin, though unexpected and perhaps a bit odd, was a nice treat to my Monday. I was reminded that I don't have to have things figured out right now and my quarter-life crisis really has yet to happen. I guess that means I've got a good bit to look forward to and perhaps a few more unexpected conversations, semi or otherwise. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill

Tribulations Never Told

At one point or another I'm sure we've all been there. We've reached a point during the day when the only thing to make anything and everything better would be for the day to end...or a nap. I'm sure during a solo drive or two, we've all been moved to emotional exhaustion that tears or screaming obscurities at the top of our lungs is a rational reaction. We've all been there. We've all been in the gutter, but we smile like we're among the stars.

These past to weeks have been rough, but not in the typical sense. Work hasn't been stressful. If anything, it's been oddly calm and I've been scratching and digging for things to do. However, it's been a blessing, because I haven't been feeling all too great. I don't know what it is exactly. My Mom and I think my body is still fighting my sickness from August and after some blood work, my doctor (not Mr. MD from the ER) doesn't know what's wrong with me. One thing for sure, I'm not 100%. Last week, I had a low grade fever and would end the day in bundled up buried under my blanket. Most of my evenings after work this week were spent the same way. I'd be so tired, when I'll come back to my apartment, I'd nap, skip dinner (because I'm so tired) and just sleep until I have to get up the next morning for work.

However, despite not feeling like I'm on my A-game, I dared not tell anyone at work. I'm not one who likes feelings of pity, nor am I someone who wants that kind of attention. I know a few people who like so, and while we're not riding that same wave length, I won't judge...at least, I won't judge out loud and on this blog. Ultimately, it's just not my thing and I don't want to feel like my co-workers think I can't hang. I also don't want them to feel guilty and tell me to go home, when clearly I can work through things. Hopefully, I'll be feeling loads better soon so I can get into a regular blogging schedule. Today was a good start, let's hope there is more to come!

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

Back to Blogging & Back to Basics

Hello all! I'm back to blogging. I apologize for not posting since March 10th, but in my defense I've been all over the place and never really anywhere at all. I've been up in the air so much so that I think I'll just take this post to catch everyone up on my life and all of its "struggles." 

Last time I posted, I was currently in the state of homelessness, though I wasn't exactly homeless. I had already started working at the agency in Orlando (which I'm really feeling, by the way) but nailing down an apartment proved to be the hassle of all hassles. I experienced a new level of stress, working, looking at places, contacting my realtor and applying to rent. This was the struggle until I visited the apartment complex a new friend from work called home. 

Stacey and I started working in the agency on the same day with the same role, though on different teams. Unlike myself, Stacey was settled in an apartment and well versed in the lay of the Or-LAND-o (see what I did there?). With some fair warning ("It's an older building..."), I visited her apartment and scheduled a meeting and tour with the property manager Friday morning. Arriving about an hour late to work (all pre-approved by my boss) I finally had a place to live, and a rather large place at that!

Unfortunately, I was unable to move into my apartment that weekend. Due to some delays in paperwork (not all offices like to work during the weekends, forcing people who work during normal business hours to run around with their heads cut off) I didn't move into my apartment until Wednesday afternoon the following week. With the help of my friend, Justin (who moved the one large box I brought with me and couldn't move on my own) I moved into "La Casa de Cybill" (unofficial name). That weekend, my parents drove up from home bringing up a few things, but it got even better. 

It may be an overlooked kitchen appliance, but it's a rude awakening when you realize your new apartment doesn't come with a microwave. Thus, while my parents were in town, a microwave was a high priority on the list. I am proud to say, I am an owner of a microwave! I also have a kitchen table and a chair and a half built — I no longer picnic on the floor.

While my apartment is very empty, I am in no rush to furnish it (though I'd love to have a grey couch to lounge after long days at work). Part of the reason is the simple fact that I can't afford it (it's a hard knock life, yo) and at the same time, part of me fears really setting down roots. If I ain't got nothing, I got nothing holding me back. It's my fear of commitment, fear of missing out and ever present wanderlust. Maybe, as time goes by, I'll settle down with a couch and perhaps paint a wall. It'll limit the room I have to dance around, but this is a good thing, right...? 

If I ain't got nothing, I'm footloose and fancy free.

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Picture Credit}