And Here We Are Again

I'm still here. I'm still alive. This blog may be on life support, but it's not dead.

These past few weeks have fun-ish a ride. Some ups, definitely some downs and ultimately, I'm standing here, confused as to which direction is the right direction, and whether there is a right direction at all. 

So, I've stayed in Orlando over the weekend a few times now. I've tried that whole "explore where you live" thing. Two evenings in a row, I even went out downtown to check out Orlando's nightlight, and perhaps made a few "friends" (let's use that term loosely). But don't ask me if I'm in love yet (or possibly ever). I may just laugh...out loud and in your face. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Staying in town and going out, having brunch the next day, that was all fun. But, most of the reasons I enjoyed myself was because of the company, and isn't that how it usually goes? One of my closest friends from college was in town and the two of us, along with another girlfriend of ours from college checked out the Orlando nightlight. Short evening short, we ended up calling it a night around midnight. Clearly, we can't hang the way we used to in college. 

Anyways, there's that side of the Orlando life and then there is what takes up most of my time, work. Work has been keeping be busy. It's the reason I get up at the hour I do. The company I have at work is great. Truth be told, if it wasn't for the company and all the fun stuff, it'd definitely make things far more difficult. And I say that with a few things in mind, so here me out...

Day-after-day, we're constantly working to please our clients. It's the nature of the beast. Yet, week-after-week, they don't seem happy with what we're delivering. Can we do more? Perhaps. But do we have the resources? No, we don't. And I'm starting to loose all hope in it and once again, I'm second guessing my "career" choice. 

Is there a reason I should keep on trying to please these people who never seem grateful? Is there even a point to it at the end of the day? What I do, it doesn't make anyone breathe easier. I don't go to bed at night knowing that someone's life is better because of what I did that day and I'm starting to second guess if this what I want to turn into a career?

Ultimately, I know that my answer is No. But until I'm through with this lease on my apartment and I figure out a plan to change things, I guess this is the game to play.

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Cultivate. Understand. Expand.

"Decide today to stretch yourself. Take on a goal that you had previously given up on. Get lost doing something you love. Cultivate happiness within yourself. Understand and know that life isn't just about what you do. It's about how you serve and what you give! Go within yourself to grow outside yourself. Expand your comfort zone." 

— Unknown

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Owning Up

Hi everyone. I know, I know. I'm an awful blogger. Considering my last blog post was April 24 and it's now May 5th (Happy Cinco de Mayo, by the way), it's plain to see that I'm not a frequent flyer on this blog. And while that is true, there's more to the story than that. There's not that much more, though. Truth be told, I'm usually just tired when I get back from work most days and I decide to nap instead of blog. There is also that fact that the hours seem to fly by. Seriously, it's practically 8 p.m. and I feel like I got back to my apartment not too long ago.

Anyways, let's me try to tell you about something interesting! This weekeend, I visited my lovely roommate (college roommate) and friend, Carling! I guess it comes at no surprise that I didn't stick around Orlando. Since I've started working downtown, I've stayed in Orlando once. Yes, you read that correctly, once...and I started working here in March. But that's besides the point...

I spent this past weekend in Jacksonville and it was great! It was nice being with really good friends. There's a level of comfort when getting together with an old friend. They know you and you know them. There is no need to apologize for burping or question whether or not they have something in their closet you can steal; you already know the answer. And, I've realized, living alone...the laughs and simple day-to-day friendship makes a hard day so much better.

While in Jacksonville, I also got to spend some time with my friend, Dan. Now, before you get into thinking the relationship between Dan and I is anything but platonic, let me stop you. Dan and I are friends, and we'll never end up together, despite what a few of my coworkers believe. Aside from that, spending time with Dan and Carling (as well as some of our friends) was great! I actually have friends, despite what it feels like while I'm in Orlando.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was my weekend. Nothing fancy, nothing crazy, but everything I needed this weekend. Time with good friends and good bit of food!

I should probably add the small fact that the large amount of food continued onto today. We had a Cinco de Mayo potluck at work and let me tell you...I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the conference room and nap after lunch. SO. MUCH. FOOD. But really, it was great!

Alrighty, I should probably go...but skip a real dinner. Considering everything I ate, I should just look at food and call it a night. I'll see about getting better about updating...and perhaps living a life worth sharing!

Sincerely,

Cybill 

Little Things

It's crazy how the little things in life can cause joy and anger. Little things and simple things can take their toll and lighten the load. It's all mad and it's magic. This morning it took a bit of effort for me to really focus on the wonder than the worry. It took a couple deep breaths, but I'm always amazed at the results when you defend the silver lining.

In light of my get-up-and-dance mood, I thought I'd share some of my little things in life — of the happy variety.

1. Listening to the right song. The kind of song that causes you dance in your chair (or get up and dance), smile and take a deep breath, because life is good and everything is going to be okay. 
2. A kind word. The smallest compliment at the right time during a rough day can do wonders for the mind, body, soul and spirit. Keep those kind words handy, because sometimes, you'll have to be your own messager and the receiver. 
3. A photo of something funny, of something heartwarming or simply, someone that makes you smile. It's always great to have a photo of some sort in your back pocket, but today, stumbling upon a photo definitely brought a smile to my face. 
4. Someone who'll ask you what's wrong and listen, really listen. These people are few and far between, but when you find them, hold onto them, because they are the good people. 
5. Laughing, at anything and everything. Pretending to laugh just to get yourself to start laughing works as well. Granted, you might come off a little crazy, but when you need to bounce back, you do what you have to do to bounce back. 

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

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Difference Maker

"You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make." 

— Jane Goodall

{Photo Credit: Jane Goodall. National Geographic, 1974}

Semi-Unexpected Conversations

Today, I feel like it's common to reply to a voicemail and missed call with a text message. Typically those responses read, "Hey, what's up?" or "Sorry I missed you're call. What's up?" No one believes in talking on the phone. So, this afternoon, when I received a call from my London GC, (graduate counselor, the London equivalent to an RA) Justin, I was pleasantly surprised.

Aside from a few text messages during holidays, a "Happy Birthday" post on Facebook and an occasional "Hey, where are my pictures?" message, Justin and I don't talk. Whatever we had resembling a friendship while I was in college dwindled to an idle "relationship" (of the non-romantic, essentially non-existent type) where small talk and labels of "acquaintance" clung to our chest before gliding to the ground.

This afternoon, during our chat, I wouldn't say it was necessarily so idle. Don't get your hopes up or anything. Feelings of love or secret admiration and heartfelt devotion didn't flow out of either of us the Niagara Falls. Rather, it was more of an older distant cousin sharing some advice to a girl starting off on her own. During our chat, I learned a few things...

1. When he was a kid, Justin wanted to be a banker of some sort. Kid was dreaming big. I guess not everyone aspires to being a Philanthropist, but the world needs its bankers. 
2. The intensity of the travel bug dies down...for some. I guess it's the old adage, "Different strokes for different folks," and it applies to travel. Justin, who's been a good number of places, is calling it Pause on his escapades abroad. Is there really such a thing as calling it Pause? Won't you be in a forever state of wanderlust?!
3. Some people aspire to retire with $1 million dollars, other people just aspire. I totally understand the desire to retire with the padding of a loaded bank account. However, I never wanted to work because of the money. I never wanted to do anything because of the money. Granted, there are some things I do because of the money (Hey, I need to pay my bills), but I also don't dream of retiring with that much padding. Perhaps, it's because part of me hopes to have a career that doesn't feel like work. It's the part of me that hopes to love what I do so much, I can't imagine ever taking a step back or taking it a notch down. Again, it's that old adage. 

Ultimately, that chat with Justin, though unexpected and perhaps a bit odd, was a nice treat to my Monday. I was reminded that I don't have to have things figured out right now and my quarter-life crisis really has yet to happen. I guess that means I've got a good bit to look forward to and perhaps a few more unexpected conversations, semi or otherwise. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill

Tribulations Never Told

At one point or another I'm sure we've all been there. We've reached a point during the day when the only thing to make anything and everything better would be for the day to end...or a nap. I'm sure during a solo drive or two, we've all been moved to emotional exhaustion that tears or screaming obscurities at the top of our lungs is a rational reaction. We've all been there. We've all been in the gutter, but we smile like we're among the stars.

These past to weeks have been rough, but not in the typical sense. Work hasn't been stressful. If anything, it's been oddly calm and I've been scratching and digging for things to do. However, it's been a blessing, because I haven't been feeling all too great. I don't know what it is exactly. My Mom and I think my body is still fighting my sickness from August and after some blood work, my doctor (not Mr. MD from the ER) doesn't know what's wrong with me. One thing for sure, I'm not 100%. Last week, I had a low grade fever and would end the day in bundled up buried under my blanket. Most of my evenings after work this week were spent the same way. I'd be so tired, when I'll come back to my apartment, I'd nap, skip dinner (because I'm so tired) and just sleep until I have to get up the next morning for work.

However, despite not feeling like I'm on my A-game, I dared not tell anyone at work. I'm not one who likes feelings of pity, nor am I someone who wants that kind of attention. I know a few people who like so, and while we're not riding that same wave length, I won't judge...at least, I won't judge out loud and on this blog. Ultimately, it's just not my thing and I don't want to feel like my co-workers think I can't hang. I also don't want them to feel guilty and tell me to go home, when clearly I can work through things. Hopefully, I'll be feeling loads better soon so I can get into a regular blogging schedule. Today was a good start, let's hope there is more to come!

Sincerely,

Cybill

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