Filling the Shoes of my Ambition

It's 2015 and this blog hasn't seen a post from me since September. I guess it's safe to say I'm not really a blogger, but who was I trying to convince? However, with all of that aside, with the new year and the new slate comes a fresh start. Okay, so we're a few days into 2015, but lets not get hung up on the details. 

I'm going to give this blog thing another go, but once again, I'm not trying to be a blogger. This blog is not a feeble attempt at achieving internet fame or joining the ranks of with those who blog for a living — I don't have the stamina for that. Rather, this blog is just a little hidden "gem" of the world for the few friends who know about it and as a means to practice my first amendment — seriously, I need to celebrate that freedom more than I do at the present moment. What's more, this blog is an outlet for me to write something that I want others to read without the need for it to be tailored and edited. That is my job, my Monday through Friday and this blog need not apply. 

Liberation speech over. 

You know how I just wrote about the new year being a fresh start and clean slate? Also, how I'm giving this blogging thing another go? It almost sounded like a new year's resolution, right? Well, I don't like resolutions. At least, those made in the new year. Why limit self improvement to that time frame? Yes, it's is easy way to track and a fresh calendar year can resemble a reset button of sorts, but shouldn't you be striving to become a better person day after day? Shouldn't striving to be better than you were be a lifestyle rather than something that solves a problem? Because, if we set resolutions in hopes of, let's say, losing weight, then that means our weight made us a problem...now where's the healthy, positive thinking in all of that?! 

So, with that I'm not making any resolutions this year. And let's be honest, I really don't make resolutions anyways. Rather, I like to pick a theme for the year. It's a spirit or attitude that I hope embodies the year to come. 2014 was the year of Kefi and looking back, it definitely had kefi moments. From moving to Orlando and starting a job at an amazing agency, to living in an apartment building that doesn't consist of college students (still getting used that one), to meeting a cool guy and being genuinely interested enough to put some walls down...2014 got me out of my comfort zone with enough passion and frenzy to push me off the cliff of growth. 

There is no word for 2015, yet. I did come across an African phrase I really like, "Onye kwe, chie ekwe." It has a few translations, my favorite being, "When you trust your inner voice and have a positive attitude, God will help you achieve your dreams." However, we'll see if it sticks. The difficulty to pronouncing it properly could prove to be an obstacle. 

Regardless of themes or resolutions or goals. This year, I really hope to fill the shoes of my ambitions. I always hoped to be a 20-something who was strong, independent and courageous. 2014 thought me that I can do things on my own and that I can be on my own. This year, I want to master that within myself and my lifestyle. Within that, I want to find my niche in Orlando and see how far and wide I can stretch. Also, I want to be able to jump into things with the faith that will come from it rather than with fear that'll drive me away. 

I'll let you know how it goes. And hopefully, I'll do it along the way. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

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Random Oddities

1. Having a friend to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a good thing. Having a friend who has different opinions to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a better thing.

2. Taking a nap on a Saturday afternoon is a good a idea. Sometimes when the world gets too heavy and the winds roar loud, the best thing to do is take a nap.

3. "You can and will stress yourself out more than anyone else ever will. Cut yourself a little slack, stop trying to burn eighty candles at eighty ends, and try to remember that how you react to something is as much a catalyst for stress as the thing itself." — Ella Ceron, 20 Truths That Will Make Your Life Easier in Your 20s

4. Once someone flakes on you, it becomes something you expect. It's the sad truth, but keeping plans goes beyond simply doing something. It shows the kind of respect you have for the other person and how you value your time.

5. The right song, played at the right time will can do wonders for your mood, your happiness and your well-being. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill

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Football, My Love, You're Back

You know that feeling you get, when you meet eyes with someone cute and they smile and your heart gets like warm butter on hot toast? Well, that's how I feel when Seminole football is back...only better.

You're probably aware of my excitement for the return of college football. I mean, I don't really try to hide it much less try to keep it a secret. You're also probably well aware of the team I support and the team I pledge my loyalty. Again, that's not much of a secret. Knowing that, you're probably well aware of my gratitude for the return of the college football season.

There is something to be said about college football. The amount of money that is involved in the sport is staggering, especially in respect to the fact these athletes aren't considered professionals and really, aren't suppose to receive a cut. Yes, they do receive nice perks by being on the team, but it all comes at a cost.

While most college students can disregard their alarm clock in the morning, football players and really any athlete are tied to it like a ball and chain. Waking up early to work their bodies into great machines to win important games. But they're also working to win more than that game and the games to follow. They're working to win the approval of their teammates, the approval of their coaches and the approval of their respected college community. If they drop the ball, they lost the game. However, if at the end, we stand victorious, we are the winners.

It's easy to think the cost of being a college athlete is easily overweighed by the perks, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Walking around campus as a celebrity isn't necessarily glamorous. Knowing you walk into an environment with a target on your back and on your chest isn't the most comforting. To go out on the field, week after week, it's a feat.

As the season begins, with each team standing level with one another, each with the same the number of wins compared to loses, I want to take a second in gratitude. I want to thank them for their early mornings and tough practices. I want to thank them for playing to win and putting it all on the line. And finally, I want to thank them for playing the game we all love to play and watch.

Go Seminoles!

Sincerely,

Cybill

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There's No Crying in PR

...unless it's the end of the day, you're back in your apartment and alone.

I guess this deserves some explanation.

Friday afternoon was like any other Friday afternoon in the office. Everyone was at their desk, fingers dancing across their keyboard to get what needed to be drafted, delivered and finalized out of their inbox and off of their to-do list to make it out of the office by four o'clock. Four o'clock Fridays were drawing to an end and with only two (including that particular Friday) left, it was a dream to get out as close to four as possible.

So why the tears, you ask?

Well, I had a review that afternoon; and I look forward to reviews like a bug looks forward to the windshield of a car.

Holding back tears while being told I need to "work on my confidence," "be careful about being too creative" and really trying to "own things," I couldn't help but get pulled back to my time in New York.  My family and friends will tell you I was not a happy camper in the big apple. I wasn't even close. I use strong words like "hate" and "disgust" to plainly allude to feelings that have only left a reminisce of my self-esteem in the working world. I had been bent and broken. I had been burned and shredded. Forever scared, with a bitter aftertaste that sits in the back of your throat like an ex-boyfriend's name.

Sitting in that conference room, I was once again "too much" while being "not enough." My edges were sharp, but in the wrong places. My accent marks punctuated the wrong part of the word. My kick of the ball landing it in the wrong goal. My efforts had been too strong in the wrong direction.

While the feedback stems from hopes of improvement, its flower perfumes a smell of disappointment. I left feeling more vulnerable than when I entered, than when I even started. Hunched from the weighted of the "criticism" I came back to my apartment and cried. I cried like that baby I really am, because let's be real...I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.

So what better thing to do then get it all down on this blog. Pour it all out and turn each piece over. One-by-one. Carefully, I'll find the pieces that connect. I'll build my boarder and piece together my picture. I will always be too much for some people. My accent forever a bit off. But I refuse to dull my edges and weaken my efforts. Those will stay as they are and the other parts of me will just learn to be as sharp and as strong, because there is no crying in PR.

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Priority

"Instead of saying 'I don't have time' try saying 'it's not a priority,' and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. Try it: 'I'm not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it's not a priority.' 'I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.' If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently."

— Laura Vanderkam, Are You As Busy As You Think?

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You Play Ball like a Girl

Whether or not you follow the Little League World Series or sports in general, you'd better get yourself acquainted with Mo'Ne Davis. The talented 13-year-old is making a name for herself and paving a way for girls to take over the world. While Beyonce has been singing about the girls running the world, Mo'Ne Davis is showing up the mound to show she can run the world of sports. 

Though I'm not the type to be overly vocal about my beliefs that women aren't just dainty little flowers that need to be protected, I don't hide the fact that I aspire to be a strong and independent woman. Perhaps this stems from my youth, growing up as one of the few girls on my street and one of two who would play tag football with the guys. Regardless of where, when or why, it's great when you see girls, especially young girls, give it all they got to be a girl on top of a man's world. 

To all my sisters out there, whatever you do, bring it. And bring like a girl. There will be a day when "You play ball like a girl," will be the compliment of all compliments and perhaps that day is sooner than we expect. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

Lessons For My Daughter

When you start college...

It's August, which only means one thing (okay, two if you count the beginning of the college football season). School is right around the corner and many young girls are packing their bags to begin the wild ride that is college. One day, you'll be packed and nervously excited, awaiting the beginning of amazing expedition. Thinking back to my four years are Florida State University, it's hard to say what I loved most and hold as my deepest regret. But last night, when my roommate asked me for some advice she can share with her cousin, it got me thinking about some of the best takeaways unearthed outside the classroom.

1. Low maintenance friends of high quality are the best friends. The amount of push and pull that happens within the span of four years can be daunting. The pressures of deciding a career path, pursuing goals and embracing the mistakes that turns into lessons are best managed with a group of friends that just get you — no make-up, no fuss, no inhibitions. Find them. Trust in them. Grow with them. Finding the right people who will frame your memories without cluttering the picture is a true treasure and a gem to be kept forever.

2. Study abroad. Study abroad for a semester, for the summer or for the whole year. Live, grow and learn in a new country with different smells, different languages and different people. There is a lot of stretching, leaning and yearning in college and in your early twenties. Do it in a different country and collect stories of places far from home. I'll miss you, but I know the growing you'll do abroad will open and fill your eyes with spark to better see the world and live your passion.

3. Go out on a school night. Alright, this one I advise with some reservation, but I will say, it's okay to go out on a school night. You're young, so do it now while you're body can still rally the next day. When you have an exam the next day, it's probably best to stay in (though it isn't completely off the table). I trust your judgement and trust me, you'll always be surprised by the people you meet and the relationships that form on those random school nights out.

4. Go beyond the college town. Drive two hours west to go camping. You've flown halfway around the world to surround yourself with the unfamiliar and continue to do that in any way possible. It probably won't be the same. It won't have the same kind of sparkle, but it'll open your eyes to something beyond the every day. Tell yourself you're going to do this and then do it.

5. Live for now, but work for tomorrow. Live and study. It's a balance. It's a give and take, a push and pull that will take a little while to fully grasp. But learn how to do everything you want to do and everything you have to do early. There will be sacrifices, but at the end of your four years in college, if properly done, you'll have a great future to look forward to and great friends to share it with as you reminisce on great memories.

Sincerely,

Cybill