An Internal Monologue

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with yourself? Don't make that look like I'm crazy, you know what I'm talking about. One moment you're just walking, minding your own business, probably thinking of things you have to do but don't really want to do, and then, all of a sudden something catches your eye.

"Oh hey, that looks cool," is the line that starts it all.

Then a few minutes later you find yourself internally arguing whether whatever caught your eye is worth the purchase, "It IS on sale..." "Are you even going to use it? You don't need it. What are you going to do with it?" ...and that's how we all end up on a psychiatrist's couch, shelling out dollars of what could go toward our retirement fund. Just kidding...somewhat.

In all seriousness, I'm sure you can recall a time when the rational and level-headed part of your personality was urging your spontaneous, free-spirit not to jump, not to take that leap, not to buy the alarm clock just because it was cute and fuzzy. Odds are, you can also recall a time when you were convinced there was food stuck in your teeth or on the side of your face when you catch a cute stranger looking at you. Then, as if timed perfectly, you scold yourself in your decision to forgo checking yourself out in the mirror, because you don't want to be confused for narcissistic.

We've all been there. We've all done it. We've all talked ourselves out of happiness or an uptake on the confidence meter, however short and fleeting. But why?!

Why do we deny ourselves something that will do no harm and will make us happy? Why do we deny ourselves that small slice of cake? Why do we try to convince ourselves someone is out of our league?

Talking a step back and assessing the situation from the comfort zone of my laptop it's all really silly. We dress up, we show up and we look great! We work out, eat right and deserve that small slice of cake! We work hard, live within our means and one silly, just-because purchase is a small reward, and that's that. Little joys and increases of confidence is good, as along as it's in moderation and we don't let it go to heads, the same way we've let denial and a negative perspective of ourselves get into our hearts.

So the next time you catch the eye a stranger think, "I do look good today," because you look great! And the next time you find yourself debating whether or not to have a small slice of cake, Marie Antoinette that and let them (meaning you) have cake! Let's revolutionize our internal monologue to embrace that happiness that is out there for us and end the fight against ourselves, because as my favorite yoga instructor always said, "Don't fight with your body, because you will loose."

Sincerely,

Cybill

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