Live From Hilton Head

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a bit...or a week. Don't worry, I'm still here. I'm still around. Except, I'm just not home.

In the previous post, I mentioned plans to visit Hilton Head Island. Well, I'm here, but my extended family isn't here...any longer/yet. Okay, so that statement is probably a little confusing. Let me explain.

When we first got here, my cousin and her family along with some of our family friends from west Florida joined us. It was fun. They seemed to enjoy my "They say college helps you land a job, look what happened to me," joke. My cousin's daughter, Azalea, also expressed her feelings about going to college to be a nurse. Long story short, she doesn't want to be a nurse, but her parents are emphasizing the job security. (I probably serve as an example of what not to do.) I'll feel bad if she ends up studying to be a nurse and her heart's not it in. That's never fun.

Now the "yet" part of that statement. Well, while my family from Florida left the other day, there is possibility of some of my family from New Jersey driving down to join us for the rest of the week. It's silly, but certain members of my family from west Florida and New Jersey don't get along with one another. I've asked my Dad why and when he explained, I asked, "Are you serious? That's the reason they don't get along?" It's really all silly and a good bit of it is because of my uncle from New Jersey. I won't get into the details, but after a first-hand account of his abrasive judgement from the most ridiculous of reasons, I totally get it. And part of me hopes they decide not to drive down.

However, I won't focus on that! I'll focus on the salty sea a few yards from my door. Who doesn't love that? I'll focus on the chill that greets my cheeks when I step outside. I'll focus on having the beach to myself. I'll focus on getting to read my books in a different location.

Don't cue your own level of self-worth from other people's perception, opinions, views and labels.

Sincerely,

Cybill

Kefi Begets Kefi

Remember how I was all about the Kefi at the start of 2014? I was Kefi's biggest cheerleader. I defended the spirit like it was my good name. Well, we're about 22 days into 2014 and I'm going to need some hard core Kefi spirit next week.

For my Dad's birthday, my Mom has planned for us to spend some time on Hilton Head Island. She also invited a few family members to join us. That's cool. I'm totally okay and on board with this idea. Except, I'm not really totally okay and on board with this idea. I also don't think it'll be that cool. Why? Let me explain.

Chances are, someone will ask me about my life, whether it's my relationship status (or lack thereof), my job (or lack thereof) or my plan for my future (which they would probably conclude is an awful idea). I know it won't be that bad. I mean, they're family. They'll drive you nuts (because they're kind of nuts) but they'll love and support you no matter what. Except they won't, not 100% anyways. Out loud and in front of you, they'll put on a good face, but they'll fail. A small jab will slip. A small jab always slips.

Just the other day my Dad was on the phone talking about me and my brother, the engineer. After discussing our accomplishments, the voice on the phone (that's all I'm going to do to acknowledge her) replied, "Engineering. That's nice. That's good." Not a word of praise for my accomplishments. Not even a nod of acknowledgment. Thanks, voice on the phone, you're all too sweet. I might as well be Isobel Crawley and the world (especially the voice on the phone) the Dowager Countess.

It's like this a lot of the time, especially with my brother being a hot shot in Chicago. But I've taken the criticism with its grain of salt. You can't really hate people who only do things because they have to do them. They work because they need to make money to provide for themselves. They don't work because they actually enjoy what they're doing. You know, they're the type of people who do things to get somewhere else or to get something else. They can't be happy just because. It's a shame, really.

It is with this mindset (and a constant stream of self praise) that I'm going to take on any encounter. I'm going to use this as a means of power, because, heck, I'm pretty awesome. I may have to fake it a bit, but it's comes with the territory. One thing for sure, I'm not going to let their poor opinions of me get to me. I'm not going to let their labels of failure play any role in my life. I'm not going to let them defeat me, because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. (Okay, so may be I give a little damn, but just you wait.) Besides, it's in poor taste to be a defeatist, just ask the Dowager Countess.

I should probably refer back to this pep talk-esque-blog post when the going gets rough. Perhaps, I should also look into making a daily affirmation. This girl does it the right way and she's definitely a woman of Kefi.

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Too Much

"You will always be too much for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. 

If you round out your edges, you lose your edge."

Danielle LaPorete, The Positivity of Pride

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Random Oddities

Without a clear reason as to why, I've made a list of random oddities (hence the post title) that I thought I'd share on my blog. Perhaps it's an ode to Laura's from Little Things & Curiosities "Today I Believe" posts. However, it's a more me, meaning, it's probably a little random and it lacks that majestic feeling Laura has with her posts. Oh well, hakuna matata!

1. Part of me feels like 2014 is still in the distant future. Does that mean I live in the past? Don't answer that, I know the answer to that. I think too much about the shoulda, coulda, woulda.

2. Lately, I've been dreaming of food, but I've had no desire to cook or bake, or really eat. Last time I lost my appetite was when I was sick (which was also when I met Mr. MD).

3. Needtobreathe released two songs off of their new album. Give their new single "The Heart" a listen. Give it a try. Ain't no gift like the present tense, Ain't no love like an old romance, Got'sta make hay when the sun is shinin', Can't waste time when it comes time to dance

4. I started every morning this week with two cups of coffee or two cups of tea. Today, I've limited myself to one cup.

5. Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird will never get old and Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in the 1962 film is damn near perfect in my eyes. 

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Left, Right or Straight Ahead

The summer after my freshmen year of college, I sat in the front passenger seat of our family's 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee while my brother drove home from Daytona Beach where he was attending college. Earlier that summer, my brother had gotten in a car accident (don't worry, no one was hurt) which left his Ford Ranger totaled. His consolation, our family Jeep, which I had named Buster when he was under my care the year prior.

At the time, Buster's AC wasn't functioning, and anyone who lives in Florida or visited Florida during the summer can tell you, a road trip of any length, in a car without proper functioning AC is no way to travel. My brother and I traveled anyways.

We were about an hour into the four hour drive drive, with the windows down allowing anything resembling cool air into the car, when we came to the subject of my future spouse. Perhaps it was being engulfed in the heat coupled with the blur of the passing tress, but it was while we were talking about my future Mr. Right that my brother said something that has stuck with me for the last four and a half years.

It was during that hot summer day when my brother told me, "Cybill, you need to marry a guy who has a plan. He needs to have a solid plan in life and a stable job, because you have no idea where you're going or what you're doing."

With the windows rolled down and I-95 or Florida's Turnpike before us, I think I just laughed, finding humor and a compliment in his statement. Four and a half years later, all I can do is gawk at the amount of truth those words held and still do to this day.

A couple of days ago I was researching the Pacific Crest Trail with plans of one day hiking a section of it. Last year I was researching possible trips to Peru in hopes of one day hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. And a couple of minutes ago, I was discussing plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with my friend and college roommate, Kallie. (Do you notice a trend here?)

I don't know when I'll be able to accomplish any of this, but I know I want to accomplish all of it, and with these plans secured on my bucket list, the things I need to do (i.e., get a job with a steady income) just get pushed lower and lower on the list of things I want to do. Now I find myself standing at the intersection of, I Don't Know What to Do.

Recently, my current predicament has me debating the possibility of becoming a waitress opposed to landing an entry-level job in the PR industry. Waitressing would allow me to one day quit the job without the threat of "throwing away my career." (Is there such a thing as a career in waitressing? I apologize if there is.) But with these thoughts, I find myself having to answer to the part of me that wants to have a successful career (an actual career), a 401K (whatever that is), a mortgage (really, I'd simply like to own a house) and the knowledge that I am a functioning adult who positively contributes to society (and pays their taxes; something about taxes seems so adult to me).

How do I do this? How can I mix this sense of stability with my need for adventure? How do people make their passion their career? Which way to should I turn? These are the things I need to know. These are the questions I need answered. This is what they don't teach you in school.

In the time that it's taken me to type up this blog post, save it as a draft and come back to edit it, I've researched volunteer opportunities abroad (volunteering in an orphanage in Nepal sounds like fun, seriously). In the time since my brother and I drove down from Daytona Beach in an airless Buster, I've come to terms with my wanderlust, but I have yet to come to a conclusion of which way to turn...left, right or continue straight ahead. Perhaps it'll take another four and a half years to figure this out. Perhaps it'll take a guy, my Mr. Right, who has a solid plan and a stable career, or maybe, it'll just take me, day-by-day, taking one step after another, turning left or right, but turning whichever way I choose...

Sincerely,

Cybill

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Ambition & Acceptance: Pacific Crest Trail

I don't know what brought on the desire to strap on a backpack a fraction of my weight and hike, but this weekend I found myself researching the Pacific Crest Trail. Actually, scratch that. I know exactly what brought on the desire. My omnipresent wanderlust spirit and my current read, Wild by Cheryl Strayed.

Now, I understand you may toss this as just another "Silly Cybill Notion," (I should really coin that term), and it may be just that, regardless, isn't it a great one? There's so much adventure in the idea of hiking the more than 2,000 miles from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. (Okay, there is also a little crazy in it, but there's always a level of crazy in any adventure.)

I should probably confess that I have no desire to hike the entire PCT. I'm ambitious, yes, but I also accept my limitations. (My balance of ambition and acceptance is a bit skewed, but it's there.) With my limitations and physical capabilities well in mind, I've narrowed my research to a small portion of the trail located in Oregon. Oregon is the location of choice for a number of reasons. My cousin Kate and her fiancé Paul live in Portland. I have plans to attend their wedding in June and the fact that Kate was a nurse in the Army and Paul's a firefighter help too. (See, I told you I have a balance between ambition and acceptance.) Now comes the stage of planning that take time, finances and all that adult responsibility stuff into account. Not exactly ready for all of that, just yet.

Clearly my plans to take on the PCT are in the early stages. It's in the fetal stage at best, but they're there. They've found their way into my mind and will lay dormant but will not die. It was the same with my plans to study abroad in London. It took a couple of years, but they were realized. Perhaps my plans for PCT will take a couple of years as well, but remember my balance of ambition and acceptance? Well, let's just say my scale leans heavily on ambition.

Sincerely,

Cybill

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I Wore Pajama Pants to a Job Interview

Pajama party with T. Swift

Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Anyone who reads this blog! A precedent has been broken. Actually, two precedents have been broken. This week, I not only wore pajama pants to a job interview (yes, you read that correctly, pajama pants), I'm also telling you (and have told) more than one person about said interview.

Now, before you start to reprimand me about my poor choice in attire, I should probably clarify that this job interview was done via Skype. (Do you feel better now?) I mean, I was dressed properly from my waist up, however, that didn't seem to matter all to much as well, considering I left my hair down and it covered my outfit. Regardless, it felt nice wearing pajama pants! (Holla to the Skype interview!)

In regard to the other precedent, well, let's just say I normally keep job interviews to myself. For the most part, I keep the whole job hunt under tight lips and it's all for selfish reasons. I don't like telling people about the job hunt, because I don't like telling them if things didn't work out. It almost feels like I'm telling them I've failed, and that is not fun, in any way, whatsoever.

This go around, however, was very different. A good number of my close friends knew about the Skype interview. It was nice having my close friends know about the interview. I got more "Good Luck" text messages and who doesn't like to know that people care about you? Anyways, it'll be a few weeks until I can update those friends and all of you with whether or not I'll be moving forward to the next stage of the interview process. Fingers crossed something positive will materialize from this.

Now, onto helping Vassi along with her "relationship" with E. Remind me to tell you all about that! Happy Friday!

Sincerely,

Cybill