"Three Questions"

Have you ever read something that just resonates somewhere within you? The words just strike a chord somewhere deep in your soul. Sometimes those words bring hope and joy. Then, there are other times, those words just break your heart. The way the words are strung together and the story they tell is sad and you relate to that sadness on some level, though you may not have gone through the same pain as the author. Yet, despite the grey cloud in your heart, you can't help but re-read it over and over again, as if it's enchanted some part of you.

Well, I felt something resembling that feeling when reading Three Questions by Lang Leav and I wanted to share with all of you. I'm not sharing in hopes that your heart breaks, but I'm sharing in hopes that some meaning buried within these words resonates with you and within your soul, awakening you to someone or some feeling.

I hope you may never have to hear every goodbye ever said to you -- said all at once. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

Vocations, Religious or Otherwise

Looking up in St. James Park, London | April 2010

Sunday evening, there was a guest priest at the church I was visiting. His homily focused primarily on his hopes that gentlemen would hear God's call to the church.

***Now, before I continue, I just want to level with you. I'm Catholic. I was baptized Catholic, I was raised Catholic and I went to a Catholic high school. However, I struggle with the "rules" of my religion every day. Is Catholicism perfect? No, not by any means. Do I question the church's standings on certain situations? Yes, but I do so in hopes to better understand my faith and my religion. There are some things about the Catholic teachings that have me ebbing, when I should be flowing, however, like many things in life, it's in study and practice when you truly understand. So, I won't force my religious opinions or beliefs on you. I'll just share them.***

So back to Sunday. The priest -- I apologize, I have forgotten his name -- discussed vocations. While he was focusing on vocations to the church, I edited his message in way that applies to me a little more.

Personally, I don't feel called to the church to serve as a Sister. I played house for countless hours as child and I hope to have family of my own one day. To a certain extent, I believe being a mother is one of my vocations. Nevertheless, I feel that there might be something more, but how do I know what it is? And how can I be sure? How is anyone sure?

I'm a thinker, I'm an over-analyzer, and in some ways, that makes me a doubter. But I don't want to doubt the big things. I want to know. But I ask all of you out there, how did you know? How did you know that what you're doing and what you're striving for is your vocation?

The priest's answer would be prayer, and I've prayed. God may have given me a sign, but of course, I question and analyze if anything can be taken as a sign, leaving me more confused than where I started. So what else can I add to this recipe? Is this a one of those "Leap and the net shall appear" situations? That's a pretty big leap, if you ask me. Perhaps it's one of those, "Let the pieces fall where they may" or "Trust that God will lead you where you need to go." Ultimately, I trust Him, but a little insight wouldn't hurt every now and then. It also wouldn't hurt to know for sure my Heavenly vocation. 

Sincerely,

Cybill

When Paris Calls You By Name

During the spring semester of my sophomore year in college, I was blessed with the opportunity to study abroad with Florida State University's International Programs. I lived and studied in London and had a number of opportunities to travel around Europe, one of my favorites stops being Paris.

My first of many crepes. | February 2010

I'm not really sure what brought on the nostalgia, but I found myself with an aching heart, longing to return to Paris. Though my visit was during the winter when weather was a bit chilly and the top of the Eiffel Tower was closed due to renovations, I was still mesmerized.

The few days spent in Paris where filled with great food (Parisian do carbs like no other), historic sights and of course, great company. Though I lost touch with most of my study abroad friends, I'll always think of them when I think of Paris, and grow nostalgic for them just as I do the city. There are certain stories and memories from the short trip I think impossible to forget.

One morning, my friends Kristen, Colleen and I decided to stroll the city and forgo the scheduled trip to one of Paris' many cemeteries. The three of us agreed that a cemetery wasn't our idea of how to start your day off on a happy note. With the whole morning ahead of us and croissant sandwiches packed in our purses we set off to get lost in the city, and we did just that. We laughed as we walked through Paris' winding streets and eventually decided to set our course to the Eiffel Tower. I mean, is there really such a thing as having lunch by the Eiffel Tower too many times? While the morning was spent simply, it was definitely a morning I'll never forget, but there is one day in Paris I can call my favorite. The day we visited Versailles.

Alright, so Versailles isn't in Paris, but it is a short train ride away and definitely worth the trip, because it is gorgeous. Growing up, I've seen pictures, I've watched movies and I've read about the palace and its gardens, but being able to visit was a dream realized!

Palace of Versailles from the Garden | February 2010

With such a beautiful palace and a beautiful garden, the view from every window was dazzling. There was so much of me that couldn't take it all in fast enough or simply take in enough of it all. Can you imagine being able to live is such a beauty and calling this place home?

Garden of Eden or Versailles? | February 2010

A peak into the garden. | February 2010

Chandeliers in the famous Hall of Mirrors. | February 2010

A peak to the front gate. | February 2010

While Versailles may claim the top spot on my list of favorite spots in Paris, I mean France, Le Refuge des Fondues in Montmartre definitely deserves to be high on that list as well. You can call it an easy miss as it's tucked away in a corner of Montmartre, but it's definitely a can't miss, otherwise you'll miss out on the fun. 

With it's graffitied walls (designed and developed by guests, myself included), the tight squeeze is definitely worth the alcohol heavy meal and the forced interactions with strangers.

Colleen and Katie with their baby bottled wine at Le Refuge des Fondues. | February 2010

When I visited with a group of my friends, half of us climbed over the table in order to get to our seats. The climb was totally acceptable, especially since that's was the only way to get to get to the seats along the wall. At the same time, there is no real space between tables. I was rubbing shoulders with the gentleman sitting next to me, and though that may normally bother me, after a round of white wine served in a baby bottle, it was easy to consider them just part of the party. 

Cassie, Stephanie and I at Les Refuge des Fondues. | February 2010

That evening, my friends and I enjoyed ourselves, the wine and Paris. Our semester started not too long before and we really didn't know each other too well, but it didn't matter, that same way it didn't matter that I didn't know that gentleman sitting next me. We were all tied together with our desire to explore beyond the boarders of home and we'll always be tied together whenever we think back to Paris or the semester abroad, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Before the end of my time, I hope to make it back to Paris and Versailles. I hope for my stories and memories from times in Paris to grow exponentially. I hope to share a city I fell in love with so quickly with people I love in hopes that they may love it too. 

Paris, as the city of lights and the city of love, I hope my light of love for you never goes out. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

30 Is The New 20, So They Said

Today, I woke up to a Facebook message from a friend of mine. With her best intentions, she sent me a link to a talk Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, gave at TED earlier this year. In her talk, she defined the importance of your 20s and as I found it fitting for this blog, so I had a share.



While I'm sure Meg had every intention to inspire 20-somethings to capitalize on where they are in life (and I'm sure she did just that), I'm not going to lie, I was a little taken aback, not necessarily in what she was saying, but the gravity of it. I mean, it really does make sense. Your 20s, our 20s, they are important. They're stepping stones into what will hopefully be a beautiful life.

Yes, we may take a few side steps. If you're like me, you make even feel like you've taken a step back, but that's the beauty of it, right? You're turning it into a dance and that dance becomes your 20s. And all of this heart ache and all of the disappointment builds you to be stronger and wiser. It becomes your "developmental sweet-spot," that we should really understand and capitalize. It isn't about trying on different hats not for the sake of saying you did it, but perhaps, it's more like trying on different hats in order to find that hat that best fits you, to find the hat that was made to fit you.

Sincerely,

Cybill

A Lesson In...The Bigger Picture

St. George Island, Florida | January 2012

"Patience child, patience. Remember, life is a journey. If you got everything you wanted all at once there'd be no point to living. Enjoy the ride, and in the end you'll see these 'set backs' as giant leaps forward, only you couldn't see the bigger picture in the moment. Remain clam, all is within reach; all you have to do is show up everyday, stay true to your path and you will surely find the treasure you seek." 

-- Jackson Kiddard

My friend, Vassi, and I seem to have a reoccurring conversation, and more often than not, we're brought to the topic of our anxiety for the unknown and our expectations for our future. Like most girls, we've daydreamed about our future weddings, how our husbands' would look and the names of our children. But we're also concerned with our careers, the path we're taking and whether what we're doing right now, is what we're suppose to be doing. 

Looking back as we work our way through our twenties, it's plain to see our lives have been mapped out until now. In elementary school, we knew high school would be when we felt the freedom at came with earning a driver's license. In high school, we knew college would bring freedom of being on our own. However, now that college is behind us, we've asked each other, "What's next?" "What now?"

For some, the road they drive along and the path they follow means graduate school. Right now, Vassi is in medical school, however, I am on a road to what I hope will be an inspiring career in Public Relations. Yet, I'm still left with doubt.

Not too long ago I found myself sitting at my desk questioning, "Is that what I really want to do?" Right off the bat, I knew that was bad sign. It's one thing to be uninspired and it's another to be uninspired and doubtful. Thus, not too long after, I said my goodbyes and left New York City to return home. 

Surrounded by family and friends, blanketed by the warmth of the Florida sunshine, I got a good dose of words that I needed and wanted to hear. I'm also getting a good dose in the lesson of patience and traveling the journey of life.

The set back of being unemployed is unfortunate and I would never wish that burden on anyone. But just as Jackson Kiddard says these "sets backs" are giant leaps forward, and I'm learning just that. While where I am right now isn't where I had hoped to be, what I've done leading up to this moment, to today, they're things I've always wanted to do.

I was able to travel to Hawaii and New Zealand. I got to fly Business Class (it's nice how the other half flies, by the way). I got to see family I haven't seen in ten years and meet a cousin I had never met!

In terms of the bigger picture, these are the strokes I want to paint, these are the colors I want to use, and I hope, as I continue down this path, it'll be a picture I'll be proud to call my life.

What "set backs" have turned out to be beautiful strokes in your bigger picture?

Sincerely,

Cybill 

Wedding Toast, Take One

Last month, I was blessed with the honor of being one of my best friend's Maids of Honor (I shared the billing with her younger sister). While I've been in my fair share of bridal parties, I've never been an MOH. MOH was the major league for me, and of course, there was the added pressure of being MOH at my best friend's wedding.

Colleen and I | St. Patrick's Day 2012

However, that pressure never came from the bride. My friend and bride, Colleen, never had a bridezilla moment in the months leading up to her wedding. Then again, Colleen is a kind soul and it was never in her. That reason, along with a number of others, were behind the nerves when it came to writing the toast I was to deliver at the reception.

Drafting the speech took some time, a great deal of editing and, of course, feedback after back-and-forth emails with friends and fellow bridesmaids.

The big day arrived, September 14th, and my last rehearsal took place while in the car with Kallie. Kallie (who also answers to Lamb) isn't know for tears, however, tears were in here eyes and I knew Colleen would love it just the same.

Low and behold, she did! With a shake in my voice, I toasted to the lovely bride and the happy couple that evening. Looking over at Colleen, she dabbed away tears before we shared a hug and partied the night away.

Looking back, I like to think I didn't do too bad. Looking forward, I definitely learned a few things about the art of writing a wedding toast I'll keep in mind and share them with you!

• Write what you know. Share a personal story or stories that exemplify your friend and/or the happy couple that can relate to everyone. You don't want to make the audience feel left out. 
• Remember KISS, keep it short and sweet. You don't want to loose the audience's attention and there is beauty in brevity. At the same time, it's a party, so let the people party! 
• If you plan on sharing some less than flattering stories, consider running it by the couple first. Some stories may be best kept among friends and away from family. 

Wedding Day! | September 14, 2013

...and of course, it wouldn't be right if I didn't include my toast. Enjoy! 

Good evening, everyone. I just wanted to steal a few moments of your time, and because I'm short, I'll keep it short. 

For those of you who may not know me, my name is Cybill and I was blessed with the honor of being one of Colleen's Maids of Honor. I was also blessed with the privilege of getting to know Colleen while in college at FSU. 

Now, as someone who got to know Colleen as a roommate, European travel buddy and dear friend, you may think I'd share a few stories about Colleen; like how she once broke an oven in one of the Salley dorm kitchens with her butt, or her definition of third quarter of a Seminole afternoon game meant watching The Notebook and eating Jimmy John's in our living room with our roommate Kallie-Lamb. Or, the story of an afternoon when she optimistically tried, yet failed, to fix a broken flip-flop...with a stapler. 

But for anyone who knows Colleen, you know she's so much more than that. 

Colleen's the shoulder to cry on when you're an ocean away from your family and your Dad just had a stroke. Colleen's also the shoulder to cry with when you're watching Toy Story 3 and Lifetime Christmas movies. Colleen's a caregiver, gently forcing you to eat pretzels or animal crackers after any rowdy evening out in Tallahassee. She'll also leave not only a glass of water, but a glass of Gatorade and Ibuprofen after your first evening with the kids at the 21 and up table. Essentially, Colleen's the friend that everyone wants, but not everyone is blessed to have. 

And today, we got to watch as the best friend anyone can ask for, married her best friend and greatest love; we watched as Colleen married Jimmy. We watched as they promised each other their love and their heart. And as these best friends being their lives as husband and wife, I hope you two continue to be each other's steady had and encouraging voice. May you make each other laugh, and the good kind of laughs that make your belly ache. May your love for each other grow with each passing day; and may we all remember tonight, the beginning of their always and look forward to their future filled with love and happiness. 

If you can please join me in raising a glass to Colleen and Jimmy, may your love for one another always be the guiding force in your lives. Congratulations! 

Do you have any advice for wedding toasts? Have you given a toast at a wedding?

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

A Floridian Autumn & Halloween Tradition

While in other corners of the county, boys and girls alike are embracing the autumn chill, here in south Florida, I'm embracing the shorts and t-shirt weather. Temperatures are stagnant in the 80s, the sun's heat isn't letting up and the trees strongly cling to their vibrant green.

My cousins living in the north have expressed sympathy, and they claim I've missed out on the bounty of vibrantly colorful leaves and the fashions of the fall. While a cloud of melancholy may settle in if I lingered too long on this small fact of life, I refuse to trade my autumn traditions, especially one tradition I share with my friends from college.

I'm not sure how the tradition started, much less became a time-honored tradition, but come October, my friends and I make it a point to settle down and watch the classic Halloween-time movie, Hocus Pocus. We also delight in an unhealthy amount of Halloween candy, ice cream and baked goods. In short, sugar is every food group and every course that evening.


Aside from enjoying every kids dream dinner there's the great company. There is something special about sitting around a living room with a bunch of friends, enjoying a movie from the 90s. However, this year will be a little different.

Since graduating from college, sitting around a television to watch Hocus Pocus has proved to be a bit of a challenge. Last year, we were able to have a go at it when we returned to Tallahassee for Homecoming. However, this year we'll have to take a different route, if we take it all. Some of us may watch it alone, some of us may watch it with family and some of us may watch it with new friends.

Regardless of how we may watch it, it'll always bring me back to October nights in Tallahassee and a Floridian kind of autumn, where our trees are still green and we're probably wearing shorts and flip-flops. Nonetheless, do the colors of the leaves and a chill in the air really make the season? If you ask me, I'd say it's just a detail to the frame, and the picture, a picture of great friends and sweet treats, are what really matters!

Sincerely,

Cybill