Being Present

The irony that this blog post is titled "Being Present" yet my last post was dated January is not lost on me. I haven't been present. Not on this blog, that's for certain. But I've been present in life. I've been enjoying myself and all of life's spenders. I've cried — oh yes, I have cried. I've smiled. So much so that my cheeks hurt. I've felt alive and I've felt alone. And I wouldn't trade it in for the world. 

If I look back years from now and remember that my reason for not blogging is because I've been doing things to blog about, then I'll be happy. I'll have laugh lines. I'll have heartache (to a certain degree). I'll have lived.  Until then, I'll share some quick updates on my life these past few months. 

My career path has not altered since I've last blogged. Rather, it's grown into more of an uncertainty. The agency I'm with and the team I work with are great. Seriously. I don't use this word often, nor do I use it lightly, but I truly love what I do and who is surrounding me while I do it. But it's an interesting thing, success. You think you want it when, but when you have it, is it ever what you thought it'd be. Is it ever really enough? Does your definition of success change? Perhaps this comes from my internal musings that what I do and consider my "job" isn't want to ultimately want as the quick Twitter bio of myself. My life. My legacy. I'm so much more than that. Life is so much more than that. 

Life is also about how is with you during the ride. A while back I wrote about a boy named Tyler. Tyler was a bust. For the quick and dirty, he was in Florida not too long ago and we had plans to meet up for dinner. However, I was greeted with a late night drunken text message that suggested a sexual hook-up. With a laugh and a sarcastic reply (because that's how I handle situations like that), he left Florida and the list of contacts in my phone. Needless to say, we didn't have dinner. We don't talk. We don't text. I do however occasionally creep him on Facebook — guilty. 

My failed attempts at romance aside, life has been fun. It's been an adventure I continue to ride until the good Lord tells me it's my stop. I'll work on giving you more updates to be present. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit} 

Filling the Shoes of my Ambition

It's 2015 and this blog hasn't seen a post from me since September. I guess it's safe to say I'm not really a blogger, but who was I trying to convince? However, with all of that aside, with the new year and the new slate comes a fresh start. Okay, so we're a few days into 2015, but lets not get hung up on the details. 

I'm going to give this blog thing another go, but once again, I'm not trying to be a blogger. This blog is not a feeble attempt at achieving internet fame or joining the ranks of with those who blog for a living — I don't have the stamina for that. Rather, this blog is just a little hidden "gem" of the world for the few friends who know about it and as a means to practice my first amendment — seriously, I need to celebrate that freedom more than I do at the present moment. What's more, this blog is an outlet for me to write something that I want others to read without the need for it to be tailored and edited. That is my job, my Monday through Friday and this blog need not apply. 

Liberation speech over. 

You know how I just wrote about the new year being a fresh start and clean slate? Also, how I'm giving this blogging thing another go? It almost sounded like a new year's resolution, right? Well, I don't like resolutions. At least, those made in the new year. Why limit self improvement to that time frame? Yes, it's is easy way to track and a fresh calendar year can resemble a reset button of sorts, but shouldn't you be striving to become a better person day after day? Shouldn't striving to be better than you were be a lifestyle rather than something that solves a problem? Because, if we set resolutions in hopes of, let's say, losing weight, then that means our weight made us a problem...now where's the healthy, positive thinking in all of that?! 

So, with that I'm not making any resolutions this year. And let's be honest, I really don't make resolutions anyways. Rather, I like to pick a theme for the year. It's a spirit or attitude that I hope embodies the year to come. 2014 was the year of Kefi and looking back, it definitely had kefi moments. From moving to Orlando and starting a job at an amazing agency, to living in an apartment building that doesn't consist of college students (still getting used that one), to meeting a cool guy and being genuinely interested enough to put some walls down...2014 got me out of my comfort zone with enough passion and frenzy to push me off the cliff of growth. 

There is no word for 2015, yet. I did come across an African phrase I really like, "Onye kwe, chie ekwe." It has a few translations, my favorite being, "When you trust your inner voice and have a positive attitude, God will help you achieve your dreams." However, we'll see if it sticks. The difficulty to pronouncing it properly could prove to be an obstacle. 

Regardless of themes or resolutions or goals. This year, I really hope to fill the shoes of my ambitions. I always hoped to be a 20-something who was strong, independent and courageous. 2014 thought me that I can do things on my own and that I can be on my own. This year, I want to master that within myself and my lifestyle. Within that, I want to find my niche in Orlando and see how far and wide I can stretch. Also, I want to be able to jump into things with the faith that will come from it rather than with fear that'll drive me away. 

I'll let you know how it goes. And hopefully, I'll do it along the way. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill 

{Photo Credit}

Random Oddities

1. Having a friend to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a good thing. Having a friend who has different opinions to talk to about the big stuff, the stuff that isn't dinner table appropriate, but is important is a better thing.

2. Taking a nap on a Saturday afternoon is a good a idea. Sometimes when the world gets too heavy and the winds roar loud, the best thing to do is take a nap.

3. "You can and will stress yourself out more than anyone else ever will. Cut yourself a little slack, stop trying to burn eighty candles at eighty ends, and try to remember that how you react to something is as much a catalyst for stress as the thing itself." — Ella Ceron, 20 Truths That Will Make Your Life Easier in Your 20s

4. Once someone flakes on you, it becomes something you expect. It's the sad truth, but keeping plans goes beyond simply doing something. It shows the kind of respect you have for the other person and how you value your time.

5. The right song, played at the right time will can do wonders for your mood, your happiness and your well-being. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

Football, My Love, You're Back

You know that feeling you get, when you meet eyes with someone cute and they smile and your heart gets like warm butter on hot toast? Well, that's how I feel when Seminole football is back...only better.

You're probably aware of my excitement for the return of college football. I mean, I don't really try to hide it much less try to keep it a secret. You're also probably well aware of the team I support and the team I pledge my loyalty. Again, that's not much of a secret. Knowing that, you're probably well aware of my gratitude for the return of the college football season.

There is something to be said about college football. The amount of money that is involved in the sport is staggering, especially in respect to the fact these athletes aren't considered professionals and really, aren't suppose to receive a cut. Yes, they do receive nice perks by being on the team, but it all comes at a cost.

While most college students can disregard their alarm clock in the morning, football players and really any athlete are tied to it like a ball and chain. Waking up early to work their bodies into great machines to win important games. But they're also working to win more than that game and the games to follow. They're working to win the approval of their teammates, the approval of their coaches and the approval of their respected college community. If they drop the ball, they lost the game. However, if at the end, we stand victorious, we are the winners.

It's easy to think the cost of being a college athlete is easily overweighed by the perks, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Walking around campus as a celebrity isn't necessarily glamorous. Knowing you walk into an environment with a target on your back and on your chest isn't the most comforting. To go out on the field, week after week, it's a feat.

As the season begins, with each team standing level with one another, each with the same the number of wins compared to loses, I want to take a second in gratitude. I want to thank them for their early mornings and tough practices. I want to thank them for playing to win and putting it all on the line. And finally, I want to thank them for playing the game we all love to play and watch.

Go Seminoles!

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit//GIF Credit}

There's No Crying in PR

...unless it's the end of the day, you're back in your apartment and alone.

I guess this deserves some explanation.

Friday afternoon was like any other Friday afternoon in the office. Everyone was at their desk, fingers dancing across their keyboard to get what needed to be drafted, delivered and finalized out of their inbox and off of their to-do list to make it out of the office by four o'clock. Four o'clock Fridays were drawing to an end and with only two (including that particular Friday) left, it was a dream to get out as close to four as possible.

So why the tears, you ask?

Well, I had a review that afternoon; and I look forward to reviews like a bug looks forward to the windshield of a car.

Holding back tears while being told I need to "work on my confidence," "be careful about being too creative" and really trying to "own things," I couldn't help but get pulled back to my time in New York.  My family and friends will tell you I was not a happy camper in the big apple. I wasn't even close. I use strong words like "hate" and "disgust" to plainly allude to feelings that have only left a reminisce of my self-esteem in the working world. I had been bent and broken. I had been burned and shredded. Forever scared, with a bitter aftertaste that sits in the back of your throat like an ex-boyfriend's name.

Sitting in that conference room, I was once again "too much" while being "not enough." My edges were sharp, but in the wrong places. My accent marks punctuated the wrong part of the word. My kick of the ball landing it in the wrong goal. My efforts had been too strong in the wrong direction.

While the feedback stems from hopes of improvement, its flower perfumes a smell of disappointment. I left feeling more vulnerable than when I entered, than when I even started. Hunched from the weighted of the "criticism" I came back to my apartment and cried. I cried like that baby I really am, because let's be real...I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.

So what better thing to do then get it all down on this blog. Pour it all out and turn each piece over. One-by-one. Carefully, I'll find the pieces that connect. I'll build my boarder and piece together my picture. I will always be too much for some people. My accent forever a bit off. But I refuse to dull my edges and weaken my efforts. Those will stay as they are and the other parts of me will just learn to be as sharp and as strong, because there is no crying in PR.

Sincerely,

Cybill

{Photo Credit}

Priority

"Instead of saying 'I don't have time' try saying 'it's not a priority,' and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. Try it: 'I'm not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it's not a priority.' 'I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.' If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently."

— Laura Vanderkam, Are You As Busy As You Think?

{Photo Credit}

You Play Ball like a Girl

Whether or not you follow the Little League World Series or sports in general, you'd better get yourself acquainted with Mo'Ne Davis. The talented 13-year-old is making a name for herself and paving a way for girls to take over the world. While Beyonce has been singing about the girls running the world, Mo'Ne Davis is showing up the mound to show she can run the world of sports. 

Though I'm not the type to be overly vocal about my beliefs that women aren't just dainty little flowers that need to be protected, I don't hide the fact that I aspire to be a strong and independent woman. Perhaps this stems from my youth, growing up as one of the few girls on my street and one of two who would play tag football with the guys. Regardless of where, when or why, it's great when you see girls, especially young girls, give it all they got to be a girl on top of a man's world. 

To all my sisters out there, whatever you do, bring it. And bring like a girl. There will be a day when "You play ball like a girl," will be the compliment of all compliments and perhaps that day is sooner than we expect. 

Sincerely, 

Cybill